Different Forms of Bullying

No parent wants to believe their child is a bully.

As the importance of preventing bullying and teaching kids to deal with torment from their peers is emphasized more and more in the media, it becomes apparent that today’s bullying bears little resemblance to the taunting and teasing that most parents were subjected to during their own childhood years. The modern bully wears many faces, and has an unprecedented level of access to the lives of those they hurt.

Here are seven forms of bullying that today’s children are exposed to on a regular basis.

1. Cyber-Bullying – Bullies are able to take their insults, threats and hurtful words to a very public and thoroughly humiliating new level through social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Status updates make it easy for an entire social group to view and even comment on cruelty, while more personal threats can be sent through private messaging. Blogging platforms can also be used to mount full-scale smear campaigns, making it almost impossible for victims to face their peers.
2. “Frenemies” – While the word “frenemy,” a portmanteau of the words “friend” and “enemy,” can be traced back to a 1953 Nevada State Journal article, the concept is intimately familiar to modern tweens and teens. Girls in particular have started to accept backhanded compliments and blatant rivalry as traits of their associates. When more assertive girls use the force of their personality and the threat of revoked social standing to coerce other members of their peer group into doing or saying things against their will, it is absolutely a form of bullying and should be treated as such.
3. Bullying By Authority Figures – Typically, bullying is considered to fall in the realm of children and their peer group. As a result, taunts, insults and derogatory comments made by mean-spirited teachers or overzealous athletic coaches typically go unchallenged. Taught to obey authority figures, meek and mild-mannered children may never report this behavior for fear of retribution or punishment.
4. Physical Harassment – There’s nothing new about physical bullying; stronger kids have been known to lord their prowess over smaller peers since the beginning of time. Tougher punishments and penalties have simply forced these bullies to get more creative when doling out their abuse, rather than curtailing it.
5. Exclusion and Ostracism – Teachers and counselors with good intentions can make every effort to stamp out physical and verbal harassment, but their hands are tied when it comes to exclusion. Children and adolescents simply can’t be forced to associate with someone they’ve deemed an outcast, and this ostracism can be more painful for the victims than physical punches and kicks.
6. Verbal Harassment – Name-calling, teasing and making fun of a child’s appearance, wardrobe or any other area of perceived inferiority might have crept over into social media and text message wars, but that hasn’t diminished its face-to-face value. Though the old adage about sticks and stones makes for a catchy rhyme, it does little to comfort youngsters that are mercilessly taunted for one “failing” or another.
7. Blackmail – When every tween and teen carries a phone that doubles as a camera, snapping photos that double as blackmail material is the work of a moment. The release, or even the mere threat of release, of an embarrassing picture can send kids into a panic; kids who willfully inflict this torment on a peer are a new breed of bully.

Shame and fear of revenge can keep children from telling even a trusted adult about what they’re suffering through, leaving them feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of shouldering the burden alone. Because children are so often reluctant to discuss bullying, parents and caregivers should be on the lookout for signs of depression, isolation and agitation, which can be indicators of emotional turmoil and distress.

Teenagers Online: The Challenge of Keeping Them Safe

What can parents do to keep their teens safe online?

 Parenting has been a frightening proposition since the beginning of time, but parents today are faced with challenges no generation has ever faced: raising children who have spent their entire lives immersed in the Internet and social media. Here we take a look at the threats and the safeguards that make a virtually impossible task manageable. The big bad Internet can be tamed, and your kids can  be kept safe.

Image source: www.bestcounselingdegrees.net  


Cyberbullying - 88% of teens say they have seen someone be mean or cruel to another person on a social network.1
- 26% of teens and young adults say someone has written something about them on an Internet page that wasn’t true.
- 16% say someone has put up embarrassing pictures or videos of them on an Internet page without their permission.
Take Action:
- Teach kids: don’t respond to online bullying; report it to an adult.
- Change passwords if suspicious activity is suspected.
- Teach kids how to block bullies on various social sites.
- Report harassment to website admins.
Gaming
- 82% of children claim to be gamers
- 51% of kid gamers play online
- 47%: teens who play online games with people they know in real life
- Fighting Games: middle school boys’ favorite style of game (and girls’ least favorite)
- 13%: percentage of underage teens to successfully buy mature-rated games
- Take action:
- Treat game consoles with the same Internet caution as a computer.
- Limit gaming features: No webcams!
- Avoid using real names in gamertags or screen names.
- Keep the game console out of the bedroom and in an openly observable location in the home.
- Beware of free downloadable games online, which can be packaged with viruses and spyware
Porn
- 93% of boys are exposed to porn online before the age of 18.
- 62% of girls
- 70%: percentage of boys who have looked at online porn for at least 30 minutes straight
- HALF of those boys have done so at least 10 times.
- (Compared to 23% for girls, 14% more than once)
- 39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen online sex acts involving bondage.
- 32: percentage of boys who have seen acts of bestiality online (girls, 18%)
- Rape or sexual violence: witnessed online by 18% of boys and 10% of girls
- 1 in 7 boys and 1 in 10 girls have seen child pornography online
- 13% of web searches are for erotic content
- Take Action:
- Teach kids never to click on unfamiliar links or search results
- Purchase blocking software and use parental controls for browsers
- Keep computers and mobile device use in readily observable locations in the home
- BE OPEN to discussing anything with your children. Let them know and see it’s safe to talk to you.
- Use Internet accountability services to get reports of online use
- Beware anonymizers, sites that conceal your child’s Internet activity. A good Internet accountability service will recognize them.
Online Predators
- “The offenders lure teens after weeks of conversations with them, they play on teens’ desires for romance, adventure, sexual information, understanding, and they lure them to encounters that the teens know are sexual in nature.” Dr. David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes against Children research center
- Most victims of online predators are teens.
- Most victims know they are talking to an adult.
- 50%: percentage of victims who claim to be in love with their predators
- Most teens ignore or delete messages from strangers
- Most sexual predation occurs with someone not considered a total stranger when the relationship begins.
The victims:
- 76 % are between the ages of 13 and 15
- 75% are female
- The predators:
- 99% are male
- 76% are 26+ years in age
- 20 years: almost half of predators are two decades older than their victims
- Chat rooms: the leading initial meeting place (76%)
- Only 5% pretend to be close to the same age as their victims
- Take action:
- Don’t be overly protective to the point of paranoia. Most online activity is fine, and paranoid parents can increase the risk of alienating their children.
- Let your children know what is and isn’t okay to talk about online.
- Look for red flags: increased secrecy and emotional obsession with internet use, withdrawal from friends and family
- Talk openly (not threateningly) with your kids about their online relationships.
Sexting
- 20%: teens who have transmitted nude or seminude images of themselves
- 39%: teens who have transmitted sexually suggestive messages
Take Action:
- Talk to teens about their definition of privacy: reality TV has completely altered that concept.
- Talk about sexual values and morals
Social Networks
- 55% of kids have a facebook account by the time they’re 12
- 40% of teens have observed illegal or underage drug abuse by their peers on social networks
- More than 1 in 10 teens use social media over three hours a day
- Those teens are almost twice as likely as their peers to binge drink, experiment with drugs, and be sexually promiscuous.
- Take Action:
- Be the decision maker on which social networks your children use and when they’re old enough to join.
- Always be a member of the sites your children join.
- Check browser history for social network use
- Google your child’s name periodically to check for online presence
- Employ Internet Accountability software
- Learn about and adjust the privacy settings on your child’s social networks
- Be clear with your child about what is acceptable to post-make sure they’re sticking to the rules.
- Source: http://www.covenanteyes.com/parenting-the-internet-generation/

Creating Anti Cyber Bullying Programs in Schools, Daycares and in Your Community

Are you interested in creating a cyber bullying prevention and support club in your school or community?

Check out these fantastic stickers and pins from SmartSign. 

Their mission:

Cyberbullying can turn kids into victims with the force of a mere click. Cyber bullying knows no geographical boundaries, and the rapid growth of digital technology in the hands of children and teens creates a deeply connected network of potential support and abuse.

• Over 95% of teenagers use social networking sites to communicate with peers.
• 85% of teenage online users have been cyber bullied at least once.
• Over 25% of teens have been bullied repeatedly through text messages or the Internet.

We're here to spread a positive message, combat cyber bullying, and advocate for responsible activity in the digital world. We're here to equip victims and bystanders with a visual toolkit. We’re here to urge you to join the #TakeNoBullies movement!

Join them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. 

'I choose' Anti-Bullying Campaign

'I choose' Anti-Bullying Campaign....


The 'I choose' campaign is about recognizing bullying for what it is: a choice.

We are definitely not a stranger to bullying and cyberbullying, and this has to change.

No one is ever forced to be a bully; just as easily as someone can choose to be a bully, they can choose to be kind, respectful, and compassionate, instead.

With the 'I choose' Anti-Bullying Campaign, the are challenging people everywhere to make a better choice and help end bullying.

The 'I choose' campaign aims to stop bullying of all kinds with a simple, positive approach, challenging youth to embrace the concept that bullying is a choice and the power to choose is theirs.

Visit www.whatdoyouchoose.org and share your story.

Must watch the 1-minute video.


Be sure to follow them on Twitter and join them on Facebook.

The ‘I choose’ Anti-Bullying Campaign is powered by Yoursphere.com, a social network uniquely created by kids and teens, for kids and teens. The Yoursphere community is one of respect and positive online interaction. This campaign is a reflection of the choices that our members feel have the power to make people stop, think and remember that bullying is a choice.

Cyberstalking: A Growing Problem

Anderson Cooper and Sue Scheff

Do you  know what a Google bomb is?

We are in 2012, if you don't, you should!

A Google bomb could cost you your job, your career, your personal life, and possibly your friends!

So what is a Google bomb?

Google Bomb (n) or “link bomb”: Internet slang for a certain kind of attempt to raise the ranking of a given page in results from a Google search. (Wikipedia)

Don't wait to be hit by one to realize what it means, like I did.

Anderson Cooper recently interviewed me on my experience with a Google bomb.  Like many of you reading this, I didn't know what one was.  Watch here.

It nearly destroyed me!  Especially in today's troubling times, people out of work, the competitiveness of jobs, businesses, etc - people are stooping to all levels to survive financially.  Even if it means ruining others with a few keystrokes!

Order today

Don't let it happen to you! 

To learn more about protecting yourself, order Google Bomb.  It offers tips and advice to help you maintain and polish your online profile.  Co-authored with a prominent Internet attorney, John Dozier Jr., Google Bomb not only offers my story, it offers sound advice that you will understand and use to help you and your kids keep your digital lives safer.

Remember, what goes online, stays online.

What you post today, can haunt you tomorrow!

October is National Anti-Bullying Awareness Month: Abuse Bites

Abuse Bites was created by Lisa Freeman who is an abuse survivor.

Many don't realize that bullying isn't just limited to kids and teens.  Adult bullying is more prevalent that many know.

Abuse Bites Workshops Aim to Educate & Train employers and workers alike how to defeat bullying and make the workforce a more enjoyable, safer, and productive place.

October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month.  Find out how you can help your community combat bullying and learn more about bullying prevention.

Bullying and Gay Youth

Bullying in Schools: Harassment Puts Gay Youth at Risk

While trying to deal with all the challenges of being a teenager, gay/ lesbian/ bisexual/ transgender (GBLT) teens additionally have to deal with harassment, threats, and violence directed at them on a daily basis. They hear anti-gay slurs such as “homo”, “faggot” and “sissy” about 26 times a day or once every 14 minutes.

Even more troubling, a study found that thirty-one percent of gay youth had been threatened or injured at school in the last year alone!

Their mental health and education, not to mention their physical well-being, are at-risk.

How is their mental health being affected?

• Gay and lesbian teens are at high risk because ‘their distress is a direct result of the hatred and prejudice that surround them,’ not because of their inherently gay or lesbian identity orientation.
• Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts.

How is their education being affected?

• Gay teens in U.S. schools are often subjected to such intense bullying that they’re unable to receive an adequate education. They’re often embarrassed or ashamed of being targeted and may not report the abuse.
• GLBT students are more apt to skip school due to the fear, threats, and property vandalism directed at them. One survey revealed that 22 percent of gay respondents had skipped school in the past month because they felt unsafe there.
• Twenty-eight percent of gay students will drop out of school. This is more than
  three times the national average for heterosexual students.
• GLBT youth feel they have nowhere to turn. According to several surveys, four out of five gay and lesbian students say they don’t know one supportive adult at school.

Source:  Mental Health America

Jamey Rodemeyer

With the recent suicide of 14 year-old Jamey Rodemeyer, it is yet another wake-up call to everyone - bullying kills!  

Watch Jamey Rodemeyer's last YouTube video - "It gets better, I promise!".

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Sibling Bullying: When Bullying Starts at Home

Order today!

Girl In The Water: Bullying Starts At Home. 

The research link between bullying and sibling abuse can’t be overlooked

By Nancy Kilgore, M.S.

Bullying in America is at epidemic levels, often starting in the American home. Each year, 19 million children are abused in their homes by their own siblings. Nearly two million children use a weapon as a means of resolving a conflict with a sibling. Siblings commit 10 percent of the murders that occur in the American family.

Research has shown a solid link between bullying and sibling abuse. Children who are abused by their siblings are often targets to bullies and often become bullies. The terrifying world of sibling abuse and bullying is exposed in this book. The author’s account is a “first” in the nation.
It is a brilliantly written portrayal that offers a rare and riveting glimpse of what lies beneath the surface of millions of children’s and adult’s lives. The author’s first bully was in her home…her own sister. The author leads the reader on a journey back to her childhood home—where she is confronted with her young dreams and fears, her familial bonds, and the profound, lingering influences that sibling abuse and bullying had on her adulthood and parenting. Resembling the scariest fairy tale, the author’s personal story is narrated with a singular devotion to re-telling her experiences, no matter what the cost.

Like a fairytale, it provides lessons for us all concerning the tragedies and experiences of victims of bullying and sibling abuse. It grips the reader’s imagination with the same unrelenting moral force that fairy tales have for children. This unique story breaks the seal to what has been hidden in so many American homes…sibling abuse. It is a hopeful story for millions of children and adults. This book is comprehensive and has a bibliography, resources and informational strategies for parents and adult survivors.

About the Author:

Nancy Fox-Kilgore, MS is a survivor of sibling abuse and bullying. She holds a Master’s degree from the University of Oregon. Her B.A. and teaching credentials were received from Sacramento State University. Nancy is a leading expert on Bullying, Sibling Abuse, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She is the author of EVERY EIGHTEEN SECONDS: PERSONAL JOURNEY INTO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and THE SOURCEBOOK FOR WORKING WITH BATTERED WOMEN.

Nancy is a consultant for the United States Department of Victim's of Crime. She is endorsed for her trainings by state domestic violence coalitions, associations, and organizations. Nancy is a continuing education professor for various universities throughout the United States. Nancy consults and trains from the background of a researcher and a trauma survivor. She enjoys helping survivors of bullying and sibling abuse to overcome fears and move to the unconditional truth of their true selves. She is a workshop facilitator, stress consultant/ life coach and lives in Sacramento, California. 

Learn more here.
Order on Amazon!
Watch powerful video.

Confessions of a Former Bully

By Trudy Ludwig

Gr 3-6–In a fictional scrapbook, a self-confessed former bully recounts both her own actions as a perpetrator and the steps she took to rectify her behavior. Under the guise of giving an insider's look, Katie provides information about why bullies do what they do and some possible steps that targets and bystanders can take to stand up to them. Meant to offer advice, the insights occasionally feel too adult to be truly accessible to kids, but the language and casual writing style are age appropriate.

Despite the moments when Katie's transformation seems too pat and convenient to be believable, the advice is sound and there are specific examples that will be helpful, even if older readers may feel as though they've heard it all before. Jotted notes, doodles, and related quotes are peppered throughout, adding to the scrapbook format. The illustrations are a mix of collage and drawings; they are fun but not particularly noteworthy. Further reading for children and adults, as well as the websites listed at the end of the book, are useful resources.

Order today on Amazon.

The Children's Movement of Florida

The Children’s Movement of Florida was formed to take action and improve Florida’s sorry report card for caring for our youth.


Their mission statement:


The Children’s Movement of Florida believes that the well-being and education of our children in Florida must be the highest priority of government, business, non-profit institutions and families. The economic future of our state and the stability of the communities we live in depend on achieving this goal. The major objective of the citizen-led, non-partisan Children’s Movement of Florida is to inform the political, business and civic leaders, and the parents and people of this state, about this issue – and encourage them to make the well-being and education of our children our highest priority, including in the way we invest our public resources.

Why now or should we say, what took so long?

Scott Maxwell of the Orlando Sentinel recently wrote:

The statistics about how we treat our children in this state should make you sick.
We have one of the highest child-abuse rates in the country. We have more uninsured children than 48 other states. Our graduation rates lag.

Yes, he is right and it is time to get involved, and get our politicians to “be” involved.  More needs to be done, we don’t need a repeat of last year with the near death of two of our Florida students, Michael Brewer and Josie Ratley.

The Children’s Movement of Florida is spearheading the newest political movement making waves in the United States, calling themselves, endearingly “The Milk Party.” With events across the state of Florida, this movement comes at a time that hopefully people and politicians are listening. Currently, the group is in the middle of a 17 stop tour across the state of Florida during the month of September, called “The Children’s Express.” Click here to see if they will be in a city near you.

The latest events of James Jones, the father that defended his 13 year-old daughter who suffers with cerebral palsy, was maliciously taunted, teased and bullied on the school bus, has shed more light on this growing problem of bullying.

Learn more by visiting www.childrensmovementflorida.org and find out how you can help today.

Watch video.

STOMP Out Bullying: BLUE SHIRT DAY

Bullying is a growing and expanding problem among kids today.  As school opens throughout the country in these next few weeks, take the time to learn more about bullying prevention and bullying awareness.

You can take part in being a voice to STOMP Out Bullying.  Get your schools involved in Blue Shirt Day!

Join Love Our Children USA on Monday, October 4th! Make a statement against bullying and cyberbullying and STOMP Out Bullying! 

Make October 4th the day that bullying and cyberbullying prevention is heard around the world by wearing a BLUE SHIRT in solidarity to STOMP Out Bullying!

To signify the importance of National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week from October 3rd - 9th, Love Our Children USA created NATIONAL BLUE SHIRT DAY. Specifically the first Monday of every October -- this year on Monday, October 4th, they are asking kids, teens and adults to participate in NATIONAL BLUE SHIRT DAY by wearing a blue shirt to STOMP Out Bullying.

Whether you order  a Blue Shirt from Love Our Children USA or wear your own blue shirt, you'll be sending a message to everyone to end bullying and cyberbullying. 

Read more.

Sue Scheff: School Climate - Center for Social and Emotional Education

About School Climate

Our goal is to promote positive and sustained school climate: a safe, supportive environment that nurtures social and emotional, ethical, and academic skills.

CSEE is an organization that helps schools integrate crucial social and emotional learning with academic instruction. In doing so, we enhance student performance, prevent drop outs, reduce physical violence, bullying, and develop healthy and positively engaged adults.

For more than a decade CSEE has worked together with the entire academic community—teacher, staff, school-based mental health professionals, students and parents—to improve a climate for learning.

We help translate research into practice by establishing meaningful and relevant guidelines, programs and services that support a model for whole school improvement with a focus on school climate.
What a fantastic organization and very timely!!!! Visit http://www.schoolclimate.org/  today!

Sue Scheff: Bullying and Girls

A Way Through founders, Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner are dedicated to helping parents understand today’s girls and the peer pressure, friendships, relationships and so much more they face today.

Bullying has become a hot topic that needs to be addressed and needs to stop. Blair Wagner writes an interesting and educational article about bullying and the myths many believe.

Are You Believing the WRONG THINGS About Female Bullying?

By Blair Wagner

It’s a common thought in parenting circles to think that girls shouldn’t treat each other this way. Says whom?

Try this on… Girls should all get along perfectly, have exquisite emotional and social skills, and treat everyone with the utmost respect. Can you hear violins playing sweetly in the background?

Yeah? Well, here’s the deal. It doesn’t work that way. And, it’s not supposed to work that way. Girls (like everyone else) are on this earth to maneuver through the contrast of our world (which is often sticky, and sometimes painful) to find what feeds their passion and to create joy in their lives. In order to do that and to become clear about what they DO WANT, girls need to experience what they DON’T WANT.

When we help girls recognize that some friends will feel good to be with and others won’t, girls can begin to make choices based on their inner guidance system (emotions). For myself, I’ve found the key to be a healthy combination of two things:

Lack of resistance (let others’ ugly behaviors roll off like water on a duck)
Conscious focus on what I want in my relationships

When I’m in that nonresistant, positive-focus zone, I find that beautiful people and experiences show up around every corner. Our work as girl guides is to help girls get into that zone.

Wrong Thing #2: Relational Aggression is Getting Worse and the World Is a Mess
With a little effort, we can find evidence to support any viewpoint on any topic. There are certainly visible signs of problems in our world, and we see statistics on how emotional bullying is affecting girls in increasing numbers. This is real. And yet, we get more of what we pay attention to.

There is so much well-being in this world; it far outweighs the lack of well being. When we look at relational aggression as an overwhelming, unsolvable problem, we add to the problem. We can’t solve relational aggression (or any problem for that matter) from a place of fear and overwhelm. Faith, curiosity, and optimism go much further.

Wrong Thing #3: Emotional Bullying Starts in Middle School

Yes, we see a peak of emotional bullying in the middle school years. But, as any kindergarten (and even pre-school) teacher will tell you, it starts very, very young among girls. Relational Aggression from a five-year old (“I won’t be your friend if you…”) may not be as sophisticated as from a thirteen-year old (“let’s start an I-Hate-Miranda web site”), but the pattern can and does begin in the pre-school years.

Savvy parents start very young guiding their daughters to connect with their personal power and to find and cultivate friendships that feel good.

Wise educators see relational aggression as an issue that needs to be addressed as young as kindergarten. Schools that implement common language and strategies within their school community (and consistently teach these to the youngest of their students) will find they have less relational aggression among their female students as they head into their teens.

© 2009 A Way Through, LLC

Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at http://www.awaythrough.com/
Follow AWayThrough on Twitter @AWayThrough

Sue Scheff: Bullying Victims

Don't forget this week is STOMP OUT BULLYING Week.

Source: Connect with Kids

“They just think that that’s a part of high school, like that’s just the process they go through.”

– Becky, 17 years old

A child is taunted in the hallway, a child is pushed in the bathroom, and another child is punched on the bus. The latest numbers on bullying show that one in four students is bullied, one in five admits to being a bully, over a quarter of a million kids are physically attacked each month, and eight percent of students have missed school because they were afraid.

“People don’t usually take a stand about that because they’re too scared,” says Brittany, 15.

“And I can remember the names of every single kid who used to kick me, jump me, take my lunch, push me around,” says Nam, 19.

Experts say bully victims often become depressed and isolated and that those feelings can last into adulthood.
“That they go to work and they can’t stand up and speak for themselves. They go to do something in their religious community, and they don’t feel empowered to give back – something that they want to do, that will make them part of the community. They just don’t have it. It got shut down in school through the systematic abuse,” explains Dr. David Fenstermaker, a psychologist and expert on school violence.

Bullying has been around since the days of the one-room schoolhouse, but kids say parents still don’t understand.

“A large percentage of the students at our school get bullied every day. The ones that don’t are the bullies themselves,” says Brittany, 15.

Experts say it’s vital that you learn about your child’s school day … every day. And sometimes, specifically ask about bullying. “You can be sensitive, have empathy with them so they realize they are not alone. That’s one of the most devastating feelings is that you feel, ‘I’m all alone in this. Nobody understands, nobody cares,’” says Dr. Allen Carter, a psychologist.

Carter says parents should take their children’s fears seriously. They must talk to teachers, the principal, the bully’s parents … do whatever it takes to stop the pain.

“Ten years later, and I still got it embedded in my mind,” Nam says.

Tips for Parents
Parental involvement is the key to reducing and preventing bullying and the problems it brings. The NCPC offers the following tips to help prevent bullying incidents in your child’s school and community:

■Listen to your child. Encourage him or her to talk about school, social events, classmates and the walk or ride to and from school so you can identify any problems he or she may be experiencing.
■Take your child’s complaints of bullying seriously. Probing a seemingly minor complaint may uncover more severe grievances.
■Watch for symptoms that your child may be a bullying victim. These symptoms include withdrawal, a drop in grades, torn clothes or the need for extra money or supplies.
■Tell the school or organization immediately if you think that your child is being bullied. Alerted caregivers can carefully monitor your child’s actions and take steps to ensure his or her safety.
■Work with other parents in your neighborhood. This strategy can ensure that children are supervised closely on their way to and from school.
■Teach your child nonviolent ways to resolve arguments.
■Teach your child self-protection skills. These skills include how to walk confidently, staying alert to what’s going on around him or her and standing up for himself or herself verbally.
■Help your child learn the social skills needed to make friends. A confident, resourceful child who has friends is less likely to be bullied or to bully others.
■Praise your child’s kindness toward others. Let him or her know that kindness is valued.
■Don’t bully your child yourself, physically or verbally. Use nonphysical, consistently enforced discipline measures as opposed to ridiculing, yelling or ignoring your child when he or she misbehaves.
Although anyone can be the target of a bully, victims are often singled out based on psychological traits more than physical traits. The National Resource Center for Safe Schools says that passive loners are the most frequent victims, especially if they cry easily or lack social self-defense skills. Many victims are unable to deflect a conflict with humor and don’t think quickly on their feet. They are usually anxious, insecure and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem. In addition, they rarely defend themselves or retaliate and tend to lack friends, making them easy to isolate. Therefore, it is vital that you instill confidence in your child and empower him or her to become a healthy, socially adjusted adult.

References
■Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
■National Crime Prevention Council
■National Institute of Child Health & Human Development
■National Resource Center for Safe Schools

Sue Scheff: Help STOMP OUT BULLYING

I encourage parents, teachers, schools and everyone to take part in BLUE SHIRT DAY on October 5th. Together we can STOMP OUT BULLYING!

Press Release from August:

NEW YORK, August 24, 2009 Love Our Children USA announced today that bullying and teasing is at the top of kids’ issues at schools, and with school set to open in soon, parents, teachers and school administrators must take caution and sensitivity in handling these issues.


Childhood should be a time filled with wonder and joy, but the reality for many kids and teens is often much different. They're the victims of bullying and cyber-bullying at school or on neighborhood playgrounds.

October 4 – 10th is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Week. To observe the week, Love Our Children USA will speak at various schools about bullying, cyberbullying and preventing it.

To signify the importance of the week, Love Our Children USA created National Blue Shirt Day. Specifically on Monday, October 5th, the organization is asking kids, teens and adults to participate in national BLUE SHIRT DAY by wearing a blue shirt to STOMP Out Bullying.

They chose blue because in many diverse cultures blue brings peace. The color conveys importance and confidence.

On Monday, October 5th, Americans across the country will wear blue shirts as they make their way to school or to the office as a grassroots national campaign to STOMP Out Bullying.

Participation is expected from major cities and proclamations from leading politicians and civic leaders. This day will be supported with a national media campaign. Last October, the organization created STOMP Out Bullying. To date over 48,000 people have committed to STOMP Out Bullying.

Kids who are intimidated, threatened, or harmed by bullies often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more serious antisocial behaviors. Some kids are so traumatized by being bullied, that they contemplate suicide. Bullies often have been the victims of bullying or other mistreatment themselves.

Ross Ellis, Love Our Children USA Founder and Chief Executive Officer remembers only too
well what it is like to be bullied. Today it’s a regular occurrence in schools starting as early as kindergarten. It’s not a right of passage as some may think. It’s a crisis. And many kids have committed suicide because the taunting was so torturous.

Bullying can be so painful and clearly has played a role in recent school shootings across the country. While boys are more physical, girls use weapons, exclusion, slander, rumors and gossip.
And beware of cyberbullying which is on the rise. This social online cruelty is used in the forms of e-mail, cell phone; pager text messages, instant messaging, defamatory personal Web sites, and defamatory online personal polling Web sites, deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior, and is used by an individual or group -- intended to harm others – especially amongst our youth.
While most kids use the Internet for friendly interactions, more and more kids are using these communication tools to antagonize, terrorize and intimidate others.

Ellis said “parents must keep open communication with their children. Look for signs. And school administrators can no longer sweep the issue under the rug. Students should be educated about the harmful effects of bullying. Many schools are sweeping the issue under the rug. Every school should declare No Bullying Policy and enforce it.”

Ross Ellis suggests that schools set up a web site where kids can anonymously report the person who is bullying them. That way victims can feel safe in making the report and the school can deal with the bully.

Recent Statistics Show:
• 1 out of 4 kids is Bullied.
• 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."
• 8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
• 43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
• 100,000 students carry a gun to school.
• 28% of youths who carry weapons have witnessed violence at home.
• A poll of teens ages 12-17 proved that they think violence increased at their schools.
• 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.
• More youth violence occurs on school grounds as opposed to on the way to school.
• 80% of the time, an argument with a bully will end up in a physical fight.
• 1/3 of students surveyed said they heard another student threaten to kill someone.
• 1 out of 5 teens knows someone who brings a gun to school.
• 2 out of 3 say they know how to make a bomb, or know where to get the information to do it.
• Almost half of all students say they know another student who's capable of murder.
• Playground statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention -4% Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.

Ellis said “helping your children cope with either being a bully or being a victim often requires outside assistance, such as from your child's school or the community. School is the most likely place for bullying to occur, so discuss your concerns with your child's teachers and counselor and ask what they can do to help. School personnel can be influential in helping a child modify his behavior. Take advantage of any psychological counseling services that may be offered at your child's school or in your community.”

Bullying is a form of child abuse and bullies are very likely to grow up as an adult who abuses children.
More information about bullying and how to help your children and students can be found at
www.stompoutbullying.org

About Love Our Children USA

Since 1999, Love Our Children USA has paved the way as the national nonprofit leader that honors, respects and protects children. Its mission is to break the cycle of violence against children. Love Our Children USA has become ‘the go-to’ prevention organization for all forms of violence and neglect against children in the U.S. It works to eliminate behaviors that keep children from reaching their potential. It redefines parenting and creates kid success by promoting prevention strategies and positive changes in parenting and family attitudes and behaviors through public education. It works to empower and support children, teens, parents and families through information, resources, advocacy, and online youth mentoring. Its goal is to keep children safe and strengthen families -- Its message is positive ... one of prevention and hope.

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Contact: Media Relations
Love Our Children USA
1.888.347.KIDS (5437) / 212.629.2099

Also on Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Who is Jaylen? Help STOP Childhood Bullying

I recently wrote an article for the Examiner.com about Teens that inspire.

In the comments, I was introduced to an amazing young boy, only 8 years old, that embodies the word "inspiration." So who is Jaylen Arnold? Read all about him!

My name is Jaylen Arnold, I am 8 years old and in the 2nd grade. I am ready to change the world through my challenge! I want to STOP childhood bullying! I made this page to help put an end to kids that bully other kids...especially disabled ones.


I am a disabled child who suffers from Tourette's Syndrome (TS - a Neurological Disorder), Aspergers Syndrome (ASP - a broad spectrum Autism Disorder), and severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD - much more than just washing your hands or checking things over and over...believe me)!

I began symptoms of Tourette when I was 2 years old. The diagnosis came at age 3. The OCD followed by age 4, and more recently, the Aspergers was diagnosed at age 8.

So I am what some might call an alpahabet kid. See look, here is my name: Jaylen Arnold, TS, OCD, ASP (I am beginning to have all the letters of the alphabet behind my name) he!he!

My mom says I'm a kind and loving boy. My dad says I'm really intelligent. IQ test scores say I'm 3 points below genius. But I say, God made me really special and I know that if I try super duper hard, I can do anything I want to do. One day, I'm going to be on the Disney Channel & You Tube educating people about teasing and bullying! And one day, Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, and The Jonas Brothers will be wearing my armband to help stop bullying! I've never heard her sing, but Oprah has a lot of fans, I know she can help me with bullies. When I grow up, I want to be a dentist (hope my tics don't interfere with me having my hands in your mouth)!

I love all people and all kinds of things - unless your coughing and sick - in that case, I will wave & flap you away because with my severe OCD, I'm really quite the germ-o-phobe. I just can't help it. I can actually feel your germs landing on my toungue if you don't completely cover your cough or sneeze! Even if you are a long way from me. If I can hear you cough, I got the wave going on!

I have complex Tourette's which means I have vocal "tics" and motor "tics" pretty severly. They interrupt my daily living and are quite troubling. If you don't know what "tics" are just hang around and you'll soon find out. (No they are not the bugs - ticks) he!he! I also often yell out the word BAM! for no apparent reason.

There is no cure. They don't really know too much about this disorder. There are very few medicines available and they come with very bad side effects. I'm a little guy so my parents don't want to take a chance on me taking these medicines that can give me a heart problem...so they protect me naturally, the best they can. I just want the "tics" to stop. You control your body, my body controls me (and boy does it ever). he! he! BAM!

My parents have always protected my environment by sending me to a private school. At my school everyone is mostly accepting and loving to me. We are like a family. One day, I decided I was a big boy and I wanted to go to regular school. Boy, that was a mistake! My disorders got way worse with the stress. The doctors say my disorders cause me to have a lot of anxiety. I witnessed a lot of fighting and meanness. I don't like fighting. I was really scared for the other kids to see my "tics" and know that I was different. I was trying so hard to hold them in. I would go to the hall and try to get them out. Eventually, I couldn't hold them in. It's like a big sneeze...you can hold it for a few seconds, but then it just blows out really hard. BAM! I was soon "ticcing" all day long. The other kids were copying my tics.

One day the teacher put a little sign on me that said I had a medical condition, Tourette Syndrome. My parents really didn't like that too much. It was embarrassing because the kids then knew I had something wrong. Before that, they thought my noises and movements were me being a class clown. I was okay with that, as long as they didn't know the truth! My condition got so bad that I began hurting myself with my tics. I didn't mean to, but my stress and overstimulation was so bad that my "tics" got very hard.

The muscles used to perform the tics were contracting very hard. The Dr. called those "violent tics". I was crying one night because I was hurting so bad, and when my mom saw how I was bruising myself from the tics, she took me right out of that school and I am now back at my Christian school. She kept me at home for a bit ~ we made a video for you to see on the videos page. You see when your tics get that bad, it takes weeks or months for those tics to calm down. I had to decompress and become de-sensitized. I love my school. Those kids don't bully or tease me. They love me for who I am and I want all kids to experience the same feeling.

Read more and learn how you can help Jaylen too! Visit Jaylen's Challenge and follow him on Twitter at @JaysChallenge

Sue Scheff: Love Our Children USA - StompOutBullying

Source: LoveOurChildrenUSA

The Issue of Bullying

Bullying is a problem that affects millions of students of all races and classes. 1 out of 4 kids is bullied and 42% of kids have been bullied while online. Child and teen Bullying and Cyberbullying are at an all-time high. Some kids are so tormented that suicide has become an alternative for them. It has everyone worried. Not just the kids on its receiving end, but the parents, teachers and others who may not understand how extreme bullying can get. Love Our Children USA is working aggressively to prevent these issues and to help the kids and teens affected by it.

Some feel that bullying is a normal right of passage in growing up. It isn’t!! There will always be conflicts between kids, but bullying is intentional cruelty, harassment, and emotional, physical and sometimes sexual abuse. This behavior can set the tone for a lifetime of intentional cruelty or worse. And the consequences to the victim can seriously affect them for the rest of their lives.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is when someone hurts or scares another person repeatedly and is never appropriate. The innocent one being bullied feels alone, depressed and scared and feels they have nowhere to turn.

- Spreading bad rumors about someone

- Being mean and teasing someone

- Punching, shoving and hurt someone physically

- Not including someone is a group

- Getting certain kids or teens to "gang up" on others

Bullying also can happen on-line or electronically. Cyberbullying is when kids or teens bully each other using the Internet, mobile phones or other cyber technology. This can include:

- Sending mean text, e-mail, or instant messages;

- Posting nasty pictures or messages about others in blogs or on Web sites;

- Using someone else's user name to spread rumors or lies about someone.

- Stealing someone's password and spreading rumors about someone else making it seem like that person is the Cyberbully.

Learn more here: http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/StompOutBullying/index.php

Sue Scheff: Stop Bullying Now!

Stop Bullying Now is a comprehensive website that can answer many of your questions and help you and your children. With sections for both kids and parents, it can help you with parenting tips and tips for kids that are being teased and bullied.

Welcome to the Stop Bullying Now!

Campaign Web site created especially for adults. Here you’ll find valuable resources about bullying awareness, prevention and intervention. As an adult, the best ways you can prevent bullying includes knowing about the many forms of bullying and best practices for taking action. No matter how you interact with children and youth, there are many ways you can Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now!

Sue Scheff: Helping Kids Deal with Bullying

Source: TeensHealth

Each day, 10-year-old Seth asked his mom for more and more lunch money. Yet he seemed skinnier than ever and came home from school hungry. It turned out that Seth was handing his lunch money to a fifth-grader, who was threatening to beat him up if he didn't pay.

Kayla, 13, thought things were going well at her new school, since all the popular girls were being so nice to her. But then she found out that one of them had posted mean rumors about her on a website. Kayla cried herself to sleep that night and started going to the nurse's office complaining of a stomachache to avoid the girls in study hall.

Unfortunately, the kind of bullying that Seth and Kayla experienced is widespread. In national surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school.

A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess into a nightmare for kids. Bullying can leave deep emotional scars that last for life. And in extreme situations, it can culminate in violent threats, property damage, or someone getting seriously hurt.

If your child is being bullied, there are ways to help him or her cope with it on a day-to-day basis and lessen its lasting impact. And even if bullying isn't an issue right in your house right now, it's important to discuss it so your kids will be prepared if it does happen.

What Is Bullying?

Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.
Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and treasured possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumors about them. Others use email, chat rooms, instant messages, social networking websites, and text messages to taunt others or hurt their feelings.

It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out." The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as school shootings.

Read the entire article: http://teenshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/bullies.html

Sue Scheff: Education.com Bullying Webinar

Bullying is part of your child’s life – find out how to reduce it in your neighborhood, at school, and online.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM PST


The most recent data indicates that more than half of all school aged children are directly involved in bullying either as a bully or as a victim. Many more are affected by bullying as witnesses or accomplices. Bullying is an ‘equal opportunity’ issue affecting kids of all races, genders, and socio-economic statuses. While bullying is a serious and pervasive problem there is hope. By learning the truth about bullying and taking action as a family, parents can help keep their kids safer and happier in their neighborhood, at school, and online. Education.com and the American Association of School Administrators (AASA) invite all parents to participate in a powerful and free web seminar that will reveal common myths surrounding bullying, the real facts, and actions parents can take to reduce bullying. The web seminar will be delivered by renowned bullying expert Dr. Shelly Hymel, PhD who will present a highly interactive session with plenty of time devoted to answering participants’ questions. Don’t miss this event – chances are your child is experiencing bullying. This is your chance to find out how you can help.

Click here to register today! https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/170177164