Sue Scheff: Prescriptions Drugs and Your Teens

Many parents understand the drug use among teens, legal and not. Prescription drugs for mental health issues is common. Parents need to be aware of the side effects as well as if their child is appropriately diagnosed.

Source: Connect with Kids

Antipsychotic Drug Use

“So if you are going to give your child a medicine that is going to slow their ability to learn and then send them to school, that’s a serious thing. You really want your child treated with the least amount of this medicine that is required…for the shortest period.”

– Shannon Croft, M.D., Child Psychiatrist, Emory University School of Medicine

A soaring number of children are being prescribed a controversial class of drugs called antipsychotics. In fact, according to new research from Columbia and Rutgers Universities, the number of pre-school children taking these drugs has doubled in the past decade.

But are these drugs safe for kids of any age?

That’s a question 14-year-old Lauren and her mom has had to ask.

Growing up, Lauren would have violent outbursts. “You were always concerned about that phone call,” says her mom, Robin Weinrich. “She could grab a knife. She could use a simple thing [such] as a fork.”

Lauren would physically hurt her brother and sister. Afterwards, she was sorry.

“I’d be like, ‘Oh my gosh! Don’t tell anybody, please! I’m so sorry!’” says Lauren.

To stop the violence, Lauren’s doctor prescribed an antipsychotic. “All of a sudden you’ve elevated the type of medication she’s taking,” says Robin. “It’s not just a simple antidepressant or mood stabilizer, now it’s an antipsychotic.”

Ten years ago, antipsychotics were mostly used to treat schizophrenia.

Now, kids are taking them for the aggression that comes with autism, attention deficit, or, in Lauren’s case, bipolar disorder.

“When she gets frustrated or angry now it’s mostly yelling and screaming,” says Robin, “but there’s no physical reaction.”

Doctors say they’ve seen antipsychotics work in adults, and that’s one reason they’re being prescribed to kids.

But no long-term studies show the drugs to be safe or effective in kids.

And they can have dangerous side effects.

“There are some studies that have shown serious weight gain in children and adolescents that have been started on these medicines,” says Dr. Shannon Croft, a child psychiatrist at the Emory University School of Medicine, “and some have gone on to develop diabetes because of the weight gain.”

Other side effects include a trembling similar to Parkinson’s disease – and damage to a child’s ability to think.

“So if you are going to give your child a medicine that is going to slow their ability to learn and then send them to school, that’s a serious thing,” says Dr. Croft. “You really want your child treated with the least amount of this medicine that is required, for the shortest period.”

Lauren’s mom is worried about future side effects, but her daughter needs help today.

“If we did not make the right decisions for her medically,” says Robin, “she could be in a hospital, she could be in a psychiatric unit, she could be in jail for killing somebody.”

Tips for Parents

Parents whose children are prescribed these drugs should proceed with extreme caution. Ask the doctor if there are alternatives. If you are not sure whether your child really needs one of these drugs, get a second opinion.

Realize many doctors believe antipsychotics are too powerful for children who do not have a psychotic illness like schizophrenia. Some doctors and patients have found these drugs do calm outbursts in children with conditions like ADHD, bipolar, or autism – but the use of antipsychotics for such conditions is controversial.

If your child does start taking an antipsychotic for a non-psychotic illness, watch them closely for side effects. Realize the risk of side effects will increase the longer your child takes the medicine. Make sure you know the time frame when your doctor plans to take your child off the drug. Put your child on the lowest dose possible, for the shortest time period.

Join a support group – so you can see if the treatment your child is receiving is in line with what other kids are getting. However, realize that what works for one patient does not necessarily work for another. Just because another child has a good or bad experience with a particular drug, does not mean your child will react the same way. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, or NAMI, has good support groups.
Children on antipsychotics should also be in therapy. These drugs are not a cure. They treat symptoms and not underlying problems. If children learn to control their behavior through therapy, they can be taken off this medicine as soon as possible.

References
Columbia University
Emory University School of Medicine
Rutgers University

Sue Scheff: Students Being Paid for Good Grades

We have heard about this controversy lately. Like with many situations, there are several sides of the story. Many can remember being rewarded for a good report card, however today it almost seems like we are paying our kids to do well – in reality, shouldn’t they want to be successful so someday they will earn their own money? Let’s not answer that – today’s society is a new generation. I am not speaking about all teens, however the sense of entitlement has reached a level that is disturbing to many parents and teachers.

Recently I read an article by Connect with Kids about “A Little Incentive” that offers tips that can help you make a decision that is best for your family. Take the time to read this. Be an educated parent and weigh both sides of the issue.

Tips for Parents

Is it a good idea to give cash in exchange for good grades? That is something each family must discuss and decide. Evaluate your teen's grades. If the grades are good, continue with the plan you are using. If the grades could use some improvement, take the opportunity to discuss the importance of good grades. Explain how good grades will help them children into the college of their choice.

If this does not work, consider a reward system. Ask them what they would like to receive for grades. If money seems to be the best motivator, but you are not comfortable handing over cash for them to "blow," you do have some options that will motivate and educate.
One option is to take the opportunity to teach your teen the value of a dollar. Family Education Network suggests the following tips:

Once a dollar amount is established, sit down with your teen and establish a money management program or financial plan.

Begin by designating 35 percent of their "grade money" as free spending money. This would be theirs to do spend as they wish. At least half, in this example 65 percent, must be saved.

Your teen can open their own savings account, or if you are stock and mutual fund savvy, try to get them investing early and on a regular basis.

Have your teen give a percentage, 10 percent for example, to charity. If you are uncomfortable with rewarding good grades, consider other options for helping them achieve academic success. One of the most important things you can do to help your teen succeed in school is to become involved. Consider the following ideas suggested by the American Federation of Teachers:

Know your child's school family. The teacher is the primary player in your child's school environment, but there are others (such as counselors and librarians) who make a valuable contribution. Attending parent-teacher conferences, open-school nights and other events are the best way to get acquainted with these important people.

Expect success at school. Children work best when they know what you expect of them. Discuss these expectations with your children -- expectations for good grades, attendance and study habits. Encourage them to take courses that will challenge them, but not overwhelm them. For example, high school students usually can choose from several English courses and several mathematics courses. Discuss these and other course options with your children. Make sure they are choosing courses that will interest and challenge them.

View unsatisfactory grades as an opportunity. All parents want their children to receive good marks and advance to the next grade, but do not expect a teacher to give your children a grade or honor that they have not deserved. Make it clear to your child that grades are not ''given'' - they are earned. If your child receives an unsatisfactory report card, use this as an opportunity to restate your own commitment to high standards. Discuss with your child (and the teacher) what he or she will need to do differently to improve the grade and advance to the next level.

Help your child keep pace. Absences, family problems and other distractions make it difficult for a student to keep up with lessons and assignments during the school day. Ask a teacher if your school district offers after-school tutoring, summer programs or other activities that can prevent your child from falling behind.

Monitor your teen's part-time job. For many teenagers, holding a part-time job is an important rite of passage into adulthood. It teaches students about the working world and how to manage money. But a part-time job can cut into study time and add to the stress of teen years. Grades can fall, and attendance can suffer

References: American Federation of Teachers, Family Education Network, New York Post article, Reuters, Connect with Kids

Also on Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Teen Drivers

Having a new teen driver in your home can be extremely stressful, not to mention nerve wrecking! As a parent, we will provide the education they need to become a defensive driver, however there is nothing more priceless than experience. This doesn’t dismiss the classroom, however it is in addition to driving schools.

Parents need to be prepared before they get behind the wheel. Again, I have to recommend Crash Proof Your Kids by Timothy C. Smith. This is one of the most comprehensive books on new drivers I have read so far.

Last week we read about Keeping New Drivers Safe. Here is a recent article with some great parent tips from Connect with Kids.

Source: Connect with Kids

Defensive Driving Schools

“Every new driver needs to go through a defensive driving course – a classroom portion. But that just gives them the head knowledge. What young drivers especially need is experience.”

– Robert Wilson, National Safety Council

Today only 15 percent of new drivers get any kind of formal training before they get behind the wheel. That’s a dramatic change from 30 years ago when driver’s ed was nearly universal. On the other hand, today some young drivers get training that might be called driver’s ed on steroids.

Welcome to defensive driving at the racetrack. This isn’t your parents’ driver’s ed. The program is not only more extreme, it’s more expensive than conventional driving courses. But is it worth it?

“Oh, yeah,” says 17-year-old Erika, “because you think what happens if I flip the car, or what happens if I mess up, everybody’s looking, I’m gonna mess up…it’s scary out there.”

Her father, Dave, agrees. “Absolutely. I mean, I will worry less and I believe she’ll have more respect for the vehicle and what it can do, so yeah, hands down.”

Seventeen-year-old Andrew also has good things to say about the class. “I think it’s gonna help my confidence a lot. You stay relaxed. If something happens you don’t tense up and freak out.”

“Every new driver needs to go through a defensive driving course- a classroom portion,” explains Robert Wilson of the National Safety Council, “but that just gives them the head knowledge. What young drivers especially need is experience. The skid pad, for instance, is a great experience, teaching kids that if they are in a skid, how to handle it.”

Skidding, spinning and wiping out may seem like fun to some kids, but there is reason to be cautious, says Wilson. “The tendency, especially with young boys, might be to take lessons learned on the racetrack and convert that to regular highway driving and that certainly is a caution. I know the instructors at these schools strongly discourage that and explain that to the kids.”

Wilson adds that whatever course your child takes, it needs to be followed by driving lessons from mom or dad. “The parents need to be driving with these teenagers after this school experience, to reinforce the lessons learned, the proper lessons, and that speed is not acceptable under any conditions.”

Driving is a risky business for American teenagers. Despite spending less time driving than all other age groups (except the elderly), teenage drivers have disproportionately high rates of crashes and fatalities. Experts say that the high accident rates for teens are caused by a combination of factors, most notably teenagers’ immaturity and lack of driving experience. The U.S. Department of Transportation’s Fatality Analysis Reporting System collected the following data about teenage drivers:

•Crashes are the leading cause of death among 16- to 19-year-olds.
•The majority of teenage passenger deaths occur when another teen is driving.
•Two-thirds of teens killed in motor vehicle crashes are male.
•Among teenage drivers, alcohol is a factor in 23 percent of fatal accidents involving males, 10 percent of fatal accidents involving females.
•More than half of the teenage motor vehicle deaths occur on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.
•Of those deaths, 41 percent occur between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m.

Tips for Parents

The risks involved in letting a teenager get behind the wheel of a car are very real, but there are safety measures parents can take to improve the odds for beginning drivers. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety offers these tips:

•Don’t rely solely on driver education. High school driving courses may be the most convenient way to teach driving skills, but they don’t produce safer drivers.
•Supervise practice driving. Take an active role in helping your teen learn how to drive. Supervised practice should be spread over at least six months and continue even after your teen graduates from a learner’s permit to a restricted or full license.
•Remember, you are a role model. New drivers learn by example, so you must practice safe driving. Teens with crashes and violations often have parents with poor driving records.
•Restrict night driving. Most nighttime fatal crashes among young drivers occur between 9 p.m. and midnight, so your teen shouldn’t be driving much later than 9 p.m.
•Restrict passengers. Teenage passengers in a vehicle can distract a new driver and/or lead to greater risk-taking. The best policy is to restrict the number of teenage passengers your teen is allowed to transport.
•Require safety belts. Don’t assume that your teen is using a safety belt when he’s with his friends, just because he uses it when you’re together. Research shows that safety belt use is lower among teens than older people. Insist that your teen use a safety belt at all times.
•Prohibit driving after drinking. Make it clear that it is illegal and highly dangerous for a teen to drive after drinking alcohol or using any other drug. While alcohol isn’t a factor in most crashes of teenagers, even small amounts of alcohol are impairing for teens.
•Choose vehicles for safety, not image. Teens should drive vehicles that reduce their chances of a crash and offer protection in case they do crash. For example, small cars don’t offer the best protection in a crash. Avoid cars with performance images that might encourage speeding. Avoid trucks and sport utility vehicles, particularly the smaller ones, which are more prone to roll over.

References
•Drive Home Safe
•Insurance Institute for Highway Safety
•National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

Also read Examiner article on New Teen Driver Resources.

Sue Scheff: Bullying Victims

Don't forget this week is STOMP OUT BULLYING Week.

Source: Connect with Kids

“They just think that that’s a part of high school, like that’s just the process they go through.”

– Becky, 17 years old

A child is taunted in the hallway, a child is pushed in the bathroom, and another child is punched on the bus. The latest numbers on bullying show that one in four students is bullied, one in five admits to being a bully, over a quarter of a million kids are physically attacked each month, and eight percent of students have missed school because they were afraid.

“People don’t usually take a stand about that because they’re too scared,” says Brittany, 15.

“And I can remember the names of every single kid who used to kick me, jump me, take my lunch, push me around,” says Nam, 19.

Experts say bully victims often become depressed and isolated and that those feelings can last into adulthood.
“That they go to work and they can’t stand up and speak for themselves. They go to do something in their religious community, and they don’t feel empowered to give back – something that they want to do, that will make them part of the community. They just don’t have it. It got shut down in school through the systematic abuse,” explains Dr. David Fenstermaker, a psychologist and expert on school violence.

Bullying has been around since the days of the one-room schoolhouse, but kids say parents still don’t understand.

“A large percentage of the students at our school get bullied every day. The ones that don’t are the bullies themselves,” says Brittany, 15.

Experts say it’s vital that you learn about your child’s school day … every day. And sometimes, specifically ask about bullying. “You can be sensitive, have empathy with them so they realize they are not alone. That’s one of the most devastating feelings is that you feel, ‘I’m all alone in this. Nobody understands, nobody cares,’” says Dr. Allen Carter, a psychologist.

Carter says parents should take their children’s fears seriously. They must talk to teachers, the principal, the bully’s parents … do whatever it takes to stop the pain.

“Ten years later, and I still got it embedded in my mind,” Nam says.

Tips for Parents
Parental involvement is the key to reducing and preventing bullying and the problems it brings. The NCPC offers the following tips to help prevent bullying incidents in your child’s school and community:

■Listen to your child. Encourage him or her to talk about school, social events, classmates and the walk or ride to and from school so you can identify any problems he or she may be experiencing.
■Take your child’s complaints of bullying seriously. Probing a seemingly minor complaint may uncover more severe grievances.
■Watch for symptoms that your child may be a bullying victim. These symptoms include withdrawal, a drop in grades, torn clothes or the need for extra money or supplies.
■Tell the school or organization immediately if you think that your child is being bullied. Alerted caregivers can carefully monitor your child’s actions and take steps to ensure his or her safety.
■Work with other parents in your neighborhood. This strategy can ensure that children are supervised closely on their way to and from school.
■Teach your child nonviolent ways to resolve arguments.
■Teach your child self-protection skills. These skills include how to walk confidently, staying alert to what’s going on around him or her and standing up for himself or herself verbally.
■Help your child learn the social skills needed to make friends. A confident, resourceful child who has friends is less likely to be bullied or to bully others.
■Praise your child’s kindness toward others. Let him or her know that kindness is valued.
■Don’t bully your child yourself, physically or verbally. Use nonphysical, consistently enforced discipline measures as opposed to ridiculing, yelling or ignoring your child when he or she misbehaves.
Although anyone can be the target of a bully, victims are often singled out based on psychological traits more than physical traits. The National Resource Center for Safe Schools says that passive loners are the most frequent victims, especially if they cry easily or lack social self-defense skills. Many victims are unable to deflect a conflict with humor and don’t think quickly on their feet. They are usually anxious, insecure and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem. In addition, they rarely defend themselves or retaliate and tend to lack friends, making them easy to isolate. Therefore, it is vital that you instill confidence in your child and empower him or her to become a healthy, socially adjusted adult.

References
■Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
■National Crime Prevention Council
■National Institute of Child Health & Human Development
■National Resource Center for Safe Schools

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens - Flavored Cigarette Ban

Source: Connect with Kids

Flavored Cigarette Ban

“They’re marketing towards us, and there’s not much we can do about it but just not buy it.”

– Forrest, 18

The Food and Drug Administration has now banned flavored cigarettes in American in an attempt to lower the teen smoking rate. Clove and mint and chocolate flavored cigarettes will no longer be sold in the U.S. But already tobacco companies are finding loop-holes in the new FDA rules.

The packaging was sleek with the promise of a sweet smell and taste.

“I saw two of them,” says Adina, 15. “One of them was, like, Kahlua flavored, and one was, like, lime.

Another teen, who doesn’t want us to use his name, says he tried them once. “I guess ‘cause it had a flavor to it.”

Flavored cigarettes are now banned under new FDA legislation, but tobacco companies have found a way to keep their hands in the primarily under-30 market: flavored cigars.

Still, experts say, parents have the power to keep their kids from picking up the habit. “Sitting down and talking about how advertising works, how companies — regardless of what they’re advertising — what hooks they use in trying to manipulate you into buying products,” says Linda Lee, anti-smoking advocate.

Forrest, 18, says teens can take matters a step further. “They’re marketing towards us, and there’s not much we can do about it but just not buy it.”

Tips for Parents
Patrick Reynolds was the first tobacco industry executive to turn his back on the cigarette makers. His grandfather founded tobacco company R.J. Reynolds, but the family's cigarette brands, Camel and Winston, killed his father and eldest brother. He has devoted his life to the goal of a smoke-free society and motivates young people to stay tobacco free. Patrick Reynolds first spoke against tobacco to Congress in 1986. Over the years he has reached over a million youngsters through his talks to school groups.

■One study shows that 25 percent of 12- to 13-year-olds who smoke as few as two or three cigarettes a day become addicted in just two weeks.
■It takes the average smoker 17 years to quit.
■Tobacco products cause mental and physical addiction in users.
■It’s very hard to quit: 95 percent who quit without an aid go back to smoking within a year, 85 percent of those who use a patch, gum or other program to quit are unsuccessful for more than one year.
■The average smoker spends $1,200 on the addiction each year.
■Most smokers started smoking as teens, and 40 percent of smokers will die from a disease resulting from their addiction.
■In the United States, smoking causes one of every five deaths. Cigarettes kill 1,200 Americans every day, or 420,000 Americans each year. Globally, deaths total 5 million annually.

Every day in the United States, 3,000 teens become newly addicted to smoking. Smoking ads are designed to manipulate minds. Teens represent any business’ future. Tobacco companies are extremely sensitive to this fact and look to find new users in young demographics.

■Today 75 percent of Americans do not smoke, and this percentage is even lower among teens. Remind children that being a non-smoker is normal and widely accepted.
■Eighty-six percent of teens say they don’t want to date someone who smokes.
■Movie characters are more likely to smoke than people in real life. Films mislead many teens into thinking that smoking is more popular than it really is.
■Stores are paid up to $100 a month for each countertop display of tobacco products in the store. Plus, they make a lot of money from the cigarettes their customers buy.
■In many places it is illegal to smoke indoors. Tell your child that he or she will be smoking outside of his or her future workplace and college and will be doing so in the heat, cold, rain, snow, etc.

References
■Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
■The Foundation for a Smokefree America

Sue Scheff: Homework Wars

Source: Connect with Kids

“You come home from school – you do homework first, then you have free time.”

– Darlene Duvall, a mother

For years, parent surveys showed that lots of moms and dads worried that their children were overloaded with too much homework. But that may be changing. A new study from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln reports that most parents believe the amount of homework these days is just about right. Of course, that doesn’t mean their kids see it that way.

When 16-year-old Christian and 10-year-old Christopher arrive home from school, the rule is homework comes first. “We tried it other ways, and they ended up not getting their homework done,” explains the boys’ mother, Darlene Duvall.

Homework is first, but there’s no yelling and no pestering from mom or dad.

“They let me do what I have to do to finish my homework. They won’t beat down on me, be like, ‘you gotta do your homework, you gotta do your homework,’” Christian says.

It’s a kind of freedom that teaches responsibility. But what if your child abuses the freedom?

“Then the parent says OK, you said I could trust you to do this on your own, to leave you alone, and you’ve messed up. Now, it’s not going to be that way anymore,” says Bob Macris, a high school curriculum director.

Macris says parents should start by telling their children they can’t play until the homework is done. Then, check their work and ask questions. “Do they really understand? You know Johnny, you wrote this down. What exactly does this mean?” Macris says.

The problem is, sometimes that just starts a fight.

“The time to take a second look at homework is when a child and a parent get to a level when they really are just yelling and screaming at each other and not communicating,” Macris advises.

If that happens, the key is to find someone else to whom your child will listen: the other parent, an older sibling or maybe a tutor.

“And the kids will feel a lot better about it, and so will the parent. But the parents should still follow up and make sure that the kid is doing what he or she is supposed to be doing,” Macris says.

Tips for Parents
What should you do if your child hates homework and doesn’t complete assignments on time or at all? The U.S. Department of Education has some advice. The department’s National Parent Information Network (NPIN) suggests that parents call someone at school when homework problems arise. Everyone needs to work together – the school, teachers, parents and the student – to solve the problems. If your child refuses to do assignments, call his or her teacher. If you and your child can’t understand the homework instructions, call the teacher. The teacher may also be able to help you get your child organized to do the homework. The NPIN says different homework problems require different solutions:

■Does your child have a hard time finishing assignments on time? Maybe he or she has poor study skills and needs help getting organized.
■Is the homework too difficult? Maybe your child has fallen behind and needs special help from a teacher or tutor.
■Is your child bored with the homework? Maybe it’s too easy and your child needs extra assignments that give more challenge.
The NPIN suggests asking your child these questions to combat any problems about homework that may arise:

■What’s your assignment today?
■Is the assignment clear? (If not, suggest calling the school’s homework hotline or a classmate.)
■Do you need special resources (a trip to the library or access to a computer)?
■Do you need special supplies (graph paper, poster board, etc.)?
■Have you started today’s assignment? Have you completed it?
■Is it a long-term assignment (a term paper or science project)?
■For a major project, would it be helpful to write out the steps or make a schedule?
■Would a practice test be useful?
What kind of “homework help” should parents give their children? The Chicago Public Schools offers this advice:

■Encouragement: Give your child praise for efforts and for completing assignments.
■Availability: Encourage your child to do the work independently, but be available for assistance.
■Scheduling: Establish a set time to do homework each day. You may want to use a calendar to keep track of assignments and due dates.
■Space: Provide a space for homework, stocked with the necessary supplies, such as pencils, pens, paper, dictionaries, a computer and other reference materials.
■Discipline: Help your child focus on homework by removing distractions, such as television, radio, telephone and interruptions from siblings and friends.
■Modeling: Consider doing some of your work, such as paying bills or writing letters, during your child’s homework time.
■Support: Talk to your child about difficulties with homework. Be willing to talk to your child’s teacher to resolve problems in a positive manner.
■Involvement: Familiarize yourself with the teacher’s homework policy. Make sure that you and your child understand the teacher’s expectations. At the beginning of the year, you may want to ask your child’s teacher these questions – What kinds of assignments will you give? How often do you give homework? How much time are the students expected to spend on them? What type of involvement do you expect from parents?

References
■Chicago Public Schools
■National Parent Information Network

Sue Scheff: Reduction in School Psychologists?

With today’s economic struggles, more people are losing jobs and that includes teachers and others that work in the education system. During the recent cut in funds for schools, we are seeing a reduction in school psychologists. In reality, this may be the time our kids need the most help. Many are not familiar with recession, why their families are cutting back, maybe not taking that family vacation, or can’t have those name brand trendy clothes.

Source: Connect with Kids
Few School Psychologists

“They’re spread thin, and they usually serve a handful of schools each. So they might be in one school one day and another school the next day.”
– Frank Smith, state director of psychological services

Cuts in state and local funding due to the recession are taking a toll on our schools. Here’s just one more example: school psychologists. They’re trained to help kids deal with all kinds of personal and academic problems, but today we have too many students and not enough psychologists.

Last year, 16-year-old Kristen was sometimes depressed and angry, and she kept it all inside, at least until she joined a group discussion at school. “When you don’t talk to people, you get bottled up, and then you end up exploding, and then end up doing something you wouldn’t have done otherwise,” she says.

School psychologists, like Anne Ferris who serves Kristen’s school, are trained to spot potentially explosive students. She helps kids like Kristen open up and talk.

“What’s going on in your personal life — so much affects how well you can learn, your studying, your habits, your ability to concentrate and listen to the teacher,” says Ms. Ferris.
“It’d be great if all kids came to school absolutely motivated and ready to learn, the reality is many don’t,” says Frank Smith, director of psychological services for the Georgia Department of Education. “They bring in a lot of baggage with them — some of them with very serious problems — and it does take specially trained people to ferret out those problems and design a plan to neutralize those problems, so the child can have success.”

The National Association of School Psychologists recommends a minimum of one psychologist per 1,000 students. That’s the minimum. By that measure, right now in America, we are short 20,000 school psychologists.

“They’re spread thin,” says Smith, “and they usually serve a handful of schools each. So they might be in one school one day and another school the next day.”

Experts say if your child’s school is short-handed, be proactive. Encourage your child to talk and watch for signs of trouble — whether academic, social or emotional — and finally, if you have to, askfor help.

“Parents need to trust their gut instincts,” says Smith. “If they’re feeling like something’s wrong and they need to be doing something, they are probably right.”

Tips for Parents

School psychologists help children and youth succeed academically, socially and emotionally. They collaborate with educators, parents, and other professionals to create safe, healthy, and supportive learning environments for all students that strengthen connections between home and school. The National Association of School Psychologists says there is a serious shortage of school psychologists nationwide, especially in rural areas. As a result, experts say the shortage of school psychologists in rural areas is making it tougher for districts to meet federal academic standards. School psychologists help students with learning disabilities and those who respond to different teaching styles or techniques. School psychologists also can detect and prevent situations involving potentially “explosive“ students.

School psychologists are highly trained in both psychology and education. They must complete a minimum of a post-Master’s degree program that includes a one-year internship.
School psychologists must be certified and/or licensed by the state in which they work.
School psychologists may be nationally certified by the National School Psychology Certification Board (NSPCB).

School psychologists work with students individually and in groups.

They also develop programs to train teachers and parents regarding effective teaching and learning strategies, effective techniques to manage behavior at home and in the classroom, working with students with disabilities or with special talents, abuse of drugs and other substances and preventing and managing crises.

All children and adolescents face problems from time to time. They may be afraid to go to school, have difficulty organizing their time efficiently, lack effective study skills, fall behind in their school work, lack self-discipline, worry about problems occurring at home, be depressed or anxious, experiment with drugs and alcohol and even think about suicide.

To intervene effectively, parents need to know some common characteristics of adolescents at risk for school failure. These characteristics include:

Attention problems. The student has a history of attention issues at school.

Poor grades. The student consistently performs at barely average or below average levels.

Retentions. The student has been retained in one or more grade levels.

Absenteeism. The student is absent five or more days per term.

Lack of connection with school and community activities. The student is not involved with sports, music, scouting, or other extracurricular activities.

Behavior problems. The student may be disciplined frequently in school or may show a sudden change in school behavior, such as withdrawing from classroom discussions.

Lack of confidence. The student believes that success is linked to natural intelligence rather than to hard work and that his or her own ability is insufficient and cannot be changed or improved.
Limited goals for the future. The student seems unaware of what career options are available or how to attain those goals.

While these topics are items to watch for in your child, it is always best to trust your instincts. If you feel there is a problem with your child, talk to them. Open lines of communication are proven to be the best defense in keeping your child healthy. If you feel a serious, life-threatening situation exists, seek professional help immediately.

References
The Dayton Daily News
National Association of School Psychologists
Talk With Your Kids

Sue Scheff: Dangerous Driving (Teens and Cell Phones)

Just last week I wrote an article for the Examiner about Teen drivers with some valuable resources, including a teen driving contract. This week Connect with Kids offers some parent tips you need to take the time to read. An educated parent is a prepared parent that equals a safer teen!

Source: Connect with Kids

Driving and Talking is Dangerous

“The task of driving and the task of communicating on the cell phone kind of play off the same area of the brain. So it’s got similar brain function for both tasks. [It is] the worst of multi-tasking. And the brain is just not set up to do that effectively. It’s sort of like giving 50 percent to each. And driving takes a lot more than fifty percent concentration.”
– Dr. Cathy Blusiewicz, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist

How well do teens drive while using a cell phone?

“I got into a car accident when I was 16,” answers 18-year-old Katie, “and I made a left turn without a light and I wasn’t paying attention and I was on my cell phone.”

“I usually text message a lot and find myself like swerving off the road,” admits 16-year-old Andrew.

“Mostly when cars stop in front of me,” says 16-year-old Chris, “a lot of times you are looking down texting or whatever and you look up and they are stopped, and you just barely missed them. Or, sometimes, in my case, I did hit one person.”

According to the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute, talking, texting, dialing or answering a cell phone takes drivers’ eyes off the road long enough to travel the length of a football field.
“You might as well be driving with a bag over your head that you take off occasionally,” says psychologist Dr. Cathy Blusiewicz, “It’s a recipe for disaster.”

She says if you’re talking or texting on the phone, your brain cannot fully pay attention to the road ahead.

“The task of driving, and the task of communicating on the cell phone kind of play off the same area of the brain,” says Dr. Blusiewicz, “so it’s got similar brain function for both tasks. [It is] the worst of multi-tasking. And the brain is just not set up to do that effectively. It’s sort of like giving 50 percent to each. And driving takes a lot more than fifty percent concentration.”
Experts say parents must intervene. “Set down some rules and talk to them about, ‘If you have to make a call, you have to pull over,’” says Blusiewicz. “’You have to find a place where you are not driving.’”

Tips for Parents

It is very likely that your teenager will pick up the majority of his/her driving habits from watching you. According to a survey by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), nearly two-thirds of teenagers polled say their parents talk on the cell phone while driving, almost half say their parents speed, and just under one-third say their parents don’t wear seatbelts.

The following statistics, therefore, shouldn’t be very surprising:
Sixty-two percent of high school drivers say they talk on a cell phone while driving, and approximately half of high school teens who do not yet drive (52 percent) and middle school students (47 percent) expect they will engage in this behavior when they begin driving.
Sixty-seven percent of high school drivers say they speed.

Thirty-three percent of high school drivers say they do not wear their seatbelt while driving.
Cell phones have been transformed from status symbols into everyday accessories. In fact, cell phones are so prevalent among teenagers that a recent study found that they viewed talking on the phone nearly the same as talking to someone face-to-face.

If you believe your teen should have a cell phone, it is important to lay down a few ground rules. The National Institute on Media and the Family suggests the following guidelines for setting limits on your teen’s cell phone use:

Choose a plan that puts some reasonable limits on your teen’s phone time. Make sure he or she knows what the limits are so he or she can do some budgeting.

Let your teen know that the two of you will be reviewing the bill together so you will have some idea of how the phone is being used.

If use exceeds the plan limits, the charges can mount very quickly. Make sure your teen has some consequences, financial or otherwise, if limits are exceeded.
Teach your child about the dangers of using the cell phone while driving and the distractions it can cause.

Find out what the school’s policies are regarding cell phone use and let your teen know that you will completely support the school’s standards.
Agree on some cell phone etiquette. For example, no phone calling during meals or when it is bothersome or rude to other people.

Conversely, let your teen know that any “phone bullying” or cheating via text messaging will not be tolerated.

Let your teen know that his or her use of the cell phone is contingent on following the ground rules. No compliance, no phone.

References
Washington Post
Liberty Mutual
Students Against Destructive Decisions
Road and Travel
Wired News
National Institute on Media and the Family

Sue Scheff: Afterschool Programs - Keeping Teens Busy

Source: Connect with Kids

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. - and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school.”

– Walt Thompson, Executive Director, After School All-Stars

Every day the recession continues, more after-school programs are forced to close their doors. This despite studies that show when teens don’t go to an after-school program they are three times more likely to smoke pot, drink alcohol, skip school and have sex.

And yet, each day, when the school bell rings, more than 14 million American kids are left alone.

Experts say those hours after school are the most dangerous - especially for kids in middle school.

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. - and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school,” explains Walt Thompson, Executive Director of the Georgia chapter of After School All-Stars.

Many high school kids have a job or sports, or some after-school activity. But middle-schoolers, Thompson says, “they are the neglected age…if you go into the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are creating havoc in the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are getting arrested, those are the kids that are doing drugs, those are the kids that are getting initiated into gangs and the girls are getting pregnant.”

That’s why, experts say, it’s crucial for parents to find an after-school program for their kids.

And the best place to start is your child’s school.

“It provides structure, provides somewhere for kids to come, be with children of their own age involved in constructive activities,” explains Tresa Andrews, principal of King Middle School.

Andrews hosts the After School All-Stars program at her school. She says keeping kids in one place is essential, “They don’t have the opportunity to, quote-unquote, become lost trying to get from one location to another,” she notes. “We’re here.”

Ashley Carlisle, 14, is in the program. Here she can finish her homework and spend more time with her friends.

Ashley’s mom says the program is invaluable. “It helps me because I’m running in the morning to one job,” she says, “and I used to worry cause the area I live in - to me- is not as a secure area that I would like for it to be, and I worry about her in the afternoons.”

Experts say kids in after-school programs have better grades, higher attendance rates and are less likely to commit a crime.

Thompson says it’s a win-win situation for everyone. “If you take that kid that may get in trouble and put them in a structured environment,” he says, “it’s got to be good. Whether it has an influence on their grades or whatever, if they’re in a structured program with loving and caring adults, it’s got to be a good thing.”

Tips for Parents

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults. Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts. And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child? Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors. In fact, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that juveniles are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. And the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., the first hour that most students are dismissed from school.

If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose. The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn. The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

■Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
■Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
■Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
■Provide time and space for quiet study
■Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
■Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
■Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
■Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
■Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses
Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents. It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff.

References
■Boys & Girls Clubs of America
■Educational Resources Information Center
■National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
■Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Sue Scheff: Vocational Education

Source: Connect with Kids

Vocational Education

“I think, just in general, in America people think that you have to go to college and you have to have a regular white-collared job - where you don’t get your hands dirty.”

– Debbie Brown, Career Coach and Consultant

The President’s Council of Economic Advisors reports that the jobs of tomorrow are nursing, construction, plumbing, and auto mechanics. We will need more workers for all of these and that means we may have to reconsider the value of vocational training.

The dream of 18-year-old Travis Murphy is to become an auto mechanic for Mercedes. “From what I’ve been told, [in] their first year they make around 40-thousand,” says Travis, “and then it just continuously goes up from there - with more certifications and experience.”

In the next five to ten years, the greatest job growth will be in plumbing, nursing and auto repair- all jobs that require vocational training or an associate’s degree.

But some kids don’t think highly of these jobs. “It is something that is, for certain populations, frowned upon - because it is not considered more of a professional job, says Debbie Brown, a career coach and consultant. “But those jobs can be very well-paying, depending on what you want to do and your skill level.”

Brown says that, while some blue-collar jobs like manufacturing and textiles are disappearing or getting outsourced, others, like plumbing, carpentry, and electrical work pay well and are in demand.

“If your car breaks down, you have to get it serviced if you want it to keep running,” she notes. “So sometimes people will put off repairs for a little bit, but they can’t put them off for too long.”

What’s more, she says, some students will enjoy physical jobs where they can work with their hands. “And there’s so many people who are just not suited to sitting in front of a desk,” says Brown.

If students choose a trade instead of college, she says, parents should help them get the best possible training. “Find out what the best trade and technical schools are in your community; two-year colleges, technical schools,” she advises. “Talk to these people, find out the best match in terms of the program for them - and get them into the best programs, so they can get the best skills and the best training.”

Travis, meanwhile, works on cars for half the day at his Vo-Tech school. When he graduates, he’ll spend a year and a half at a technical college. “And then after that I plan on taking the advanced test to get into the Mercedes Elite program, so I can go and be a certified Mercedes mechanic,” he says.

To be even more marketable, experts say, students can pursue certifications after they enter the workforce -to help them get the most complex, highest-paying assignments.

Tips for Parents

Vocational programs remain popular with many students despite the lingering misperception that such programs are for under-achievers and students who don’t plan to go to college. Teenagers are discovering that completing a program in vocational education can provide them with the knowledge and skills relevant to today’s job market.

Though of particular interest to those students who do not plan on going to college, the U.S. Department of Education says that skills gained from vocational education programs are also of importance to:

■The large number of students who need or want to combine work with college attendance.
■Those students who are unsure of their future education plans.
■Those students who plan to earn a subbaccalaureate degree, such as an associate’s degree.
■Those students who plan to enter a technical field for which a “hands-on” or applied curriculum provides valuable groundwork for more abstract study in later years.

Today’s vocational educational classes are interwoven into mainstream curriculum. Many students, including college prep students, take at least some coursework in vocational education. In fact, according to the National Center for Educational Statistics 96% of high school graduates have taken at least one career and technical education course.

The U.S. Department of Education says that over the past 15 years, the focus of vocational education has shifted from preparing students for entry level jobs in occupations requiring less that a baccalaureate degree toward a broader preparation that develops the academic, vocational, and technical skills of students.

References
■National Center for Educational Statistics
■U.S. Department of Education

Sue Scheff: Athletes Overheating - Parenting Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“I think it’s just education that the parents need to be aware of how serious heat-related illness can be I mean it certainly can cause death on the athletic field and the athletes certainly need to be aware of this.”

– David Marshall, M.D., Sports Medicine

Every year, about this time in the summer, a few high school athletes will die from heat stroke, and hundreds more will be hospitalized. But many coaches and trainers now have a tool that gives them an early warning.
The bright sun… a hot day… and a hard workout: that combination can be dangerous.

A recent practice had 17-year-old Austin Farmer on his knees. “[I] started feeling a little dizzy. And then, you know, throw up,” he says.

Dizziness and nausea are typical signs of heat exhaustion, but like many high school football players, Austin is reluctant to take a break.

“You have the whole team out there practicing,” he explains, “And everybody else is in the heat, but you don’t really want to seem like you’re the weakest link on the team.”

But ‘toughing it out’ can be costly. “The progression from heat cramps to heat exhaustion to heat stroke and death can occur very quickly,” says David Marshall, M.D., who heads up the Sports Medicine Program at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta.

Now, more and more coaches and trainers are using a ‘heat index monitor’, which measures temperature and humidity. Out on the football field on a hot afternoon, with the temperature in the mid 90’s and humidity around 50-percent, Trainer Geoff Koteles takes a reading. “So the heat index right where we’re standing right now is 111 degrees.”

That means it feels like 111 degrees outside. That puts it in the red, ‘danger’ zone.
Workouts should be short, if at all. “Yeah you’re not really going to run them any longer than 15, 20 minutes,” explains Koteles.

Next is the orange ‘extreme caution’ range. Kids can exercise but need lots of extra breaks for rest and water.

Experts say parents should insist their schools coaches or trainers use a heat index monitor. But another important thing that can help protect their kids is teaching them that trying to ‘tough it out’ in the heat is foolish.

“A kid laying in the morgue, the morgue who recently died of heat illness doesn’t look very tough to me,” says Dr. Marshall.

“I talked to my mom about it and then she say if you’re feeling tired go get some water,” says Austin, “Cool down or whatever, because I want you to come home at the end of the day.”

Tips for Parents

School is starting around the country, and that means many high school sports are as well. These sports – including football, cross country, soccer and field hockey – are some the most physically taxing sports, yet they are practiced and played before summer has ended. This increases the likelihood of heat-associated problems among athletes during these times. According to experts at the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association, most of the heat problems have been associated with football due to the equipment and uniforms needed for the sport. When proper precautions aren’t taken, overheated athletes can become subject to heat cramps, heat syncope, heat exhaustion and heatstroke. According to Frederick Mueller, the head of University of North Carolina’s exercise and sport science department, heatstroke deaths are “100 percent preventable” if coaches maintain safe conditions, such as providing athletes with plenty of water, allowing plenty of cool-off sessions during practice, and/or modifying practice lengths and exercises.

According to experts at the Hamilton County (Ohio) General Health District (HCGHD), heat exhaustion or heat stress can be defined as the overheating of the body due to excessive loss of water. Heat exhaustion is caused by prolonged exposure to hot temperatures, limited fluid and/or insufficient dietary salt intake. Signs and symptoms of heat exhaustion are:

■Muscle cramps
■Intense thirst
■Excessive sweating
■Dizziness or faintness
■Fatigue
■Headache
■Slow, weak pulse
■Rapid, shallow breathing
■Possible nausea and vomiting

The experts at HCGHD state that heat stroke occurs when the body’s cooling system breaks down. Sweat glands often stop working and the body overheats. When body temperature exceeds 105 degrees, the brain and the organ tissues can begin to die. Ignoring heat exhaustion is a primary cause of heat stroke, but heat exhaustion symptoms are not always present before heat stroke sets in. Although loss of the ability to sweat is the prominent symptom of heat stroke, physically active people may still sweat lightly. Look for these symptoms in addition to lack of sweat:

■Hot, dry, flushed skin
■High body temperature
■Very rapid or very slow heartbeat
■Confusion or disorientation
■Loss of consciousness
■Seizure
It is important to note that physically active people are not immune to heat exhaustion and heat stroke during the summer months. Even if your child is active, these heat illnesses can quickly overcome him/her. To protect your child’s health when temperatures are extremely high, remind him/her to keep cool and use common sense. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the following tips are important:

■Drink plenty of fluid.
■Replace salt and minerals.
■Wear appropriate clothing and sunscreen.
■Don’t overdo it.
■Stay cool indoors.
■Schedule outdoor activities carefully.
■Use a buddy system.
■Be especially careful if ill or on certain medications
■Adjust to the environment.
■Use common sense.

References
■Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association
■University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
■Hamilton County (Ohio) General Heath District
■Center for Disease Control and Prevention
■Texas Christian University

Sue Scheff: Why Kids Steal

Source: Connect with Kids

“[Teens] shoplift all the time. They do think about the consequences, but they don’t think of it as being too major until they get caught, of course.”

– Ryan, 17 years old

The new shoplifting numbers are out and they are staggering: 35 billion dollars in losses and 92 percent of all retailers were victims, up 8 percent over 2007. An estimated one in four teens has shoplifted. Why they do it and what you can do to prevent your child from stealing.

A man sees a compact disc he likes, so he hides it in his pants. A girl stuffs something she wants in her purse, and still another pretends to try on a shirt, but behind dressing room doors, she steals it.

All of these cases are re-enactments played out for television news cameras. But teens say that in real life, shoplifting happens all of the time.

“Yeah, a lot,” 17-year-old Nicole smiles coyly.

Ryan, 17, says teens are more likely to steal, ”clothes, necklaces or stuff that’s easily fittable.”

So why do some teens shoplift?

“Because they don’t want to pay for it,” explains Keke, 14.

Often, the reasons vary. Some children steal because of peer pressure, to get attention, to be rebellious or simply because it’s exciting.

“Part of what makes something thrilling is knowing that it’s forbidden, knowing that you are not supposed to do it, knowing that you could get in trouble if you get caught,” explains psychologist Dr. Gary Santavicca.

But in some ways, he says, the reasons don’t matter.

“The last thing we want to do is communicate to the youngsters that having reasons, having motives, having excuses, having a charming manner is going to get them out of the obligation to respect other people’s property; to be concerned about what is harmful to others, what is illegal and what is wrong,” Dr. Santavicca says.

He says parents must act as a moral compass for very young children, but older kids need to rely on their own conscience.

“We want that voice to come from within,” Dr. Santavicca says.

Short of that, experts say that parents should monitor their children’s activities and take a mental inventory of the items they possess. New, unexplained merchandise may signal that a child is shoplifting. If stealing becomes habit, professional help may be needed.

Tips for Parents

Who shoplifts? According to the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), teens do. Experts say that many teens want to see if they can “get away with it.” They often rationalize their criminal behavior, using excuses like, “This is a big store, they can afford it,” “Taking this item won’t really hurt anyone” or “Stores just write it off as a business expense.” But the truth is a storekeeper loses money each time something is stolen and must raise prices to make up the loss. Shoplifting is a major economic problem in the United States. Consider these facts from the NCPC:

■Shoplifters steal an estimated $25 million in merchandise from stores each day.
■One-fourth of apprehended shoplifters are teens between the ages of 13 and 17 years old.
■Most shoplifters are “amateurs,” not professional thieves.
■Most shoplifters are customers who steal frequently from places where they regularly shop.
■Some shoplifters are professional thieves who make their living by stealing and selling goods.
■Drug addicts shoplift to support their habit.
■Desperate people steal because they need food, but they make up only a very small number of shoplifters.
■Kleptomaniacs (who have a mental disorder that makes it difficult to overcome their urge to steal) make up a tiny minority of shoplifters.
The NCPC says that many teens shoplift on a dare, thinking their friends will call them “chicken” if they don’t accept the challenge. Others steal for a thrill. The Nemours Foundation says that 70% of the time, nonprofessional shoplifters don’t go into a store with the intention of stealing – they simply see the opportunity to take something and do so.

Is your child shoplifting? You should be suspicious if you notice the following signs:

■Your child suddenly comes into possession of extra money but has no job to account for the added wealth.
■Your child possesses luxuries like an expensive new CD player or a new watch and can’t explain how he or she obtained the merchandise.
■Your child becomes secretive about what he or she does during certain times of the day (like after school.)
■You child buys expensive gifts for family and friends and can’t explain how he or she can afford them.

The Center for Effective Parenting (CEP) suggests the following methods to prevent the onset of stealing behavior in your child:

■Discuss and explain why stealing is wrong: Make sure that your child knows why stealing is wrong. Point out that stealing means taking something that rightfully belongs to someone else.
■Teach ownership: It is a good idea for parents to begin teaching their children early on what ownership means. Explain that people have a right to their own property and that it is wrong to take something that belongs to someone else.
■Teach appropriate ways of getting what one wants: Teach your child how to get what he or she wants without stealing. For example, suggest that your child ask for items he or she wants, save up money to buy the items he or she wants, etc.
■Model appropriate behavior: Set a good example for your child by asking before borrowing items, by not taking items that don’t belong to you and by being open and honest.
■Develop a close, open relationship with your child: Make every effort to communicate effectively with your child. Children who are close to their parents are much more likely to take on their parents’ beliefs and values than children who don’t have a close relationship with their parents.
■Praise and reward honest behavior: Make every attempt to praise your child for being honest. The more you praise your child’s honesty, the more likely he or she will continue to be honest in the future.
The CEP offers this advice to parents who are dealing with a child who has already committed an act of theft:

■Remain calm: If you discover that your child has stolen something, it is very important not to overreact. Keep in mind that all children take items that don’t belong to them at one time or another.
■Confront quickly: Just as it’s important not to overreact, it is also important not to under-react. Confront your child and deal with the stealing immediately. The longer stealing is allowed to continue uncorrected, the more difficult it is to correct later.
■Apply consequences: Decide what the specific consequences are for stealing, and apply them every time stealing occurs. Inform your child of these consequences before they are implemented.

References
■Center for Effective Parenting
■National Crime Prevention Council
■Nemours Foundation
■Shoplifters Alternative

Sue Scheff: Children, Tweens and Teens - Recovering from Divorce

Source: Connect with Kids

Recovering from Divorce

“You can give that child a sense of, ‘we may not be doing this perfect, obviously things didn’t work well, but we’re always looking for a better way and you’re still our child. We care about you, we care about each other and we want you to be happy and healthy’.”

– Winny Rush, M.Ed., Intervention Specialist

A new university study following thousands of kids for 20 years reports that children of divorced parents are more likely to become school drop-outs than kids whose parents stick together. The study confirms the hardship of divorce on kids, but how kids cope depends a lot on the parents.

Devon’s parents divorced when he was 13.

“You really lose your grip so easily when things aren’t alright at home,” says Devon.
He says the constant fighting between his parents took its toll. “I found that most of the time, like I was acting out in school, I’d be kind of the violent angry kid.”

Today -- six years later -- Devon says he’s worked through the anger and the pain. And looking back, he says the divorce provided a new beginning for him.

“It’s more positive,” he says. “You can be with somebody you love -- I love my mom and she loves me -- I can be with my dad another time -- I love him, he loves me, you know. But when it all comes together, it just doesn’t get along.”

Experts say the paradox of divorce is that it’s hard on children, especially young kids, and often leaves them feeling angry and alienated. But it is also a way to end the war between parents.

“It’s like there’s no more fighting, there’s no more fear … it’s a completion,” says Intervention Specialist Winny Rush, M.Ed. “And then you can go on to a sense of understanding and acceptance.”

Experts say these research results challenge a common assumption: that divorce leaves children emotionally scarred for life.

“They’re resilient and we do learn to adapt, especially children who are given no choice,” says Rush.

She adds that how well a child adapts depends in part on the parents. “If the children see their parents healthy and happy after the divorce, I think it’s probably not as bad as they thought it was,” says Rush.

For children whose parents are going through a divorce, Devon says it may be painful now, but he adds, “Know that you can deal with it. It’s not the end. It’s just a different path to take.”

Tips for Parents
The debate continues as to how divorce affects children, but one thing remains certain – they are affected. Children will typically experience certain feelings and emotions; the magnitude of those feelings largely depends on the child’s relationship with the parents before the divorce, the intensity and duration of any disagreements, and whether or not the parents put the child’s feelings above their own throughout the divorce. The most common emotions children feel are listed below, organized by Kathleen O’Connell Corcoran, of e-Mediation Information and Resource Center.

■Denial – This occurs particularly in young children and often surfaces as story-telling. For instance, a child may say, “Mommy and Daddy and me are going to Disneyland,” or “We're moving into a duplex and Daddy will live next door.” Children in denial will also have reconciliation fantasies.
■Abandonment – When parents separate, children worry about who will take care of them. They are afraid that they, too, are “divorceable” and will be abandoned by one or both of their parents. This problem is made worse if parents take the children into their confidence and/or talk negatively about the other parent in front of the children. Parents need to avoid using language such as, "Daddy is divorcing us." Parents should also avoid being late for school or carpool pick-up, or abducting the children, as these actions increase children’s insecurities. Children who are feeling insecure say things that are intended to evoke a “mama bear/papa bear” response (a demonstration of protectiveness). If children do not have "permission" to have a good relationship with the other parent, or if they think they need to "take care of" one of their parents in the divorce, they are likely to have feelings of divided loyalties between their parents. In extreme cases, they may become triangulated with one parent against the other.
■Preoccupation with information – Children will want details of what is happening and how it affects them. Communication from the parents needs to be unified and age-appropriate.
■Anger and hostility – Children may express anger and hostility with peers, siblings or parents. School performance may be impaired. A child’s hostility is often directed at the parent that he/she perceives is at fault. Hostility turned inward looks like depression in children.
■Depression – Symptoms can include lethargy, sleep and eating disturbances, acting out, social withdrawal and/or physical injury (more common in adolescents).
■Immaturity/hyper-maturity – Children may regress to an earlier developmental stage when they felt assured of both parents' love. They may "baby-talk" or wet their beds. Or, children may become "parentified" by what they perceive to be the emotional and physical needs of their parents.
■Preoccupation with reconciliation – The more conflict there is between the parents, the longer children hold onto the notion of their parents' reconciliation. To the child, conflict shows that the parents are not "getting on" with their lives. Children will often act out in ways that force their parents to interact (negatively or positively). Children whose parents were very confrontational during the marriage often mistake the strong emotions of conflict with intimacy. They see the parents as engaged in an intimate relationship.
■Blame and guilt – Because so much marital conflict may be related to the stress of parenting, children often feel responsible for their parents' divorce; they feel that somehow their behavior contributed to it. This is especially true when parents fight during exchanges about the children or in negotiating schedules – children see this as their parents “fighting over them.” Children may try to bargain their parents back together by promises of good behavior; they may have difficulty with transitions or refuse to go with the other parent.
■Acting out – Children will often act out their own anger and their parents' anger. In an attempt to survive in a hostile environment, children will often take the side of the parent they are presently with. This may manifest in refusals to talk to the other parent on the phone or reluctance to share time with the other parent. Adolescents will typically act out in ways similar to how the parents are acting out.
For parents going through divorce, it is easy to become overwhelmed if your child is exhibiting the behaviors listed above.

According to Dr. Rex Forehand, from the Institute of Behavioral Research at the University of Georgia, “many parents of divorce believe they have done irreversible damage to their children because of the parents’ permanent separation. However, many of the problems children experience following parental divorce are not due merely to the separation from one parent. Recent research indicates that children’s adjustment following parental divorce is dependent, to a large extent, on the situation existing after the divorce.”

It is important for parents to keep in mind that it’s not too late – they still can play a huge role in their child’s positive development and attitude. Dr. Forehand suggests the following tips to help minimize the negative effects of divorce:

■Both parents should work to maintain a positive relationship with their child. This serves as a buffer against the stresses of divorce, and assures the child of the parents’ continued love.
■Parents should subject the child to as few environmental and structural changes as possible (e.g. have the child attend the same school, continue to live in the same home, etc.). It is particularly important to maintain consistency regarding the child’s standard of living. For this reason, regular child support payments are often critical.
■Ex-spouses should not argue or fight in the child’s presence. This is perhaps the most important issue related to a child’s adjustment following parental divorce. The amount of parental conflict that the child sees (e.g. regarding visitation, custody, child support, etc.) is directly related to their level of adjustment.
■Consistent discipline is very important. Both parents should use similar age-appropriate discipline techniques with their children. Limits on what is and is not acceptable behavior for their children should also be consistent between the two homes.
■The child should not be used as a messenger in parental communications. He/she should never be asked to communicate messages such as “tell your dad that he is late with the child support payment.”
■Likewise, the child should never be used as a spy. Parents should not ask their child questions about the other parent’s life (e.g. questions about whom the parent is dating).
■Parents should not use the child as an ally in parental battles, and in fact, should avoid bringing the child into battles. Trying to get the child to take sides usually results in damaging the child’s relationship with both parents.
■The parents should never put down the other spouse in front of their child. It is important to remember the ex-spouse is still the child’s parent (no matter how much anger or resentment there is).
■The child should not be burdened with the parents’ personal fears and concerns. Unfortunately, many divorced parents turn to their children for support. This almost always has a negative impact on children and adolescents because they are rarely capable of handling such stress. Children have enough difficulty with their own adjustment without the added burden of their parents’ problems.
■It is usually in the child’s best interest to have a consistent pattern of frequent visits with the non-custodial parent. Frequent cancellations, long periods of no contact, and sporadic visitation schedules often have a detrimental effect on the child.
References
■Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
■The Mediation Information and Resource Center
■The University of Georgia – Institute for Behavioral Research

Sue Scheff: Is your family moving this summer? Moving Stress and Teens

During summer months some families are moving, which can mean changing schools, friends and your familiar neighborhood. If you are in this situation, take the time to read these parenting tips and advice to help create a smoother transition for your child.

Source: Connect with Kids

Moving Stress

“I was sad because I was gonna leave my friends.”

– Amber Griffin, 7

Just a few months ago when their mom said they were moving, Amber, 7, and D’Marcus, 9, had mixed emotions.

“She talked to me first, and I was excited. But I was a little bit sad because, I was sad because I was gonna leave my friends,” says Amber.

“I was afraid of how we were gonna know who our teachers would be, yeah, and how are we gonna know if we have the right things they use in school?” says D’Marcus.

Roughly 16 million American families move each year. And the adjustment can be hard on kids. One of the keys to making it easier is time. Psychologist Gary Santavicca says, “In general, the more preparation you have, the easier a transition is.”

So, he says, start talking about the move as early as possible. And include the kids. Have them get online to learn about the new city’s zoo, their new school or the nearest park. “Different things to help them feel like they’re helping to make it happen, and it’s a family project,” he says.

The kids’ mom, Catherine Mitchell, says she tried to do just that. “I let them know that we were doing this as a family and that it’s not that mom is moving, but that we’re moving as a family,” she says. And she was upbeat about the new town, new school and making new friends. “The bottom line is we communicated throughout the entire transition. We kept a positive attitude. I kept a positive attitude for them.”

And it worked. The kids have made new friends, love their school and have advice for other kids. D’Marcus says: “I would say you shouldn’t be nervous. You should just go ahead and do it and try to meet new people.” And Amber adds, “You don’t have to be afraid, because it’s gonna be okay.”

Tips for Parents
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things from the Nemours Foundation that can overwhelm the body's ability to cope if they continue for a long time:

■Being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
■Relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
■Ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
■Crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they're used regularly, not just when the pressure's on. Knowing how to "de-stress" and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some tips that can help keep stress under control:

■Take a stand against overscheduling. If you're feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
■Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
■Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological "sleep clock" shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
■Learn to relax. The body's natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It's your body's opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you're caught up in stressful situations.
■Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It's easy when you're stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever.
References
■Centers for Disease Control
■Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff: Teen Entrepreneurs

With summer almost here - get your teens thinking big!!!! Connect with Kids has a great article to encourage your teens to reach for their dreams!


Source: Connect with Kids

“I’m a gigantic believer in the value of an entrepreneurial experience- if there’s any time in someone’s life when they ought to take a risk it’s when they are not saddled with an enormous number of financial and family responsibilities.”

– Andrea Hershatter, Ph.D., M.B.A.

When today’s teens talk about what they want to be when they grow up … the answer that is becoming more common than ever is: my own boss.

Like a lot of college freshmen, Sean Belnick has a job on the side. He works for a company that brings in more than 20-million dollars a year. It’s his company… he owns it.

“We started off with a couple of orders a day and it just mushroomed from there,” he says.

A huge warehouse now stocks the office chairs he sells online. But it all started in his bedroom, when he was 15 years old.

“I always had an entrepreneurial spirit,” he says.

More teens than ever are tapping into their entrepreneurial spirit. In fact, according to Junior Achievement Worldwide, interest in entrepreneurship camps is up 30 percent.

What’s more, experts say, kids have a huge advantage as entrepreneurs because they know the web and know network sites like Facebook and Myspace.

“They intuitively understand the power and potential of using web based services for distribution, for marketing, for outreach… for connections,” says Andrea Herchatter with Emory University, “And they’re incredible networkers who have a very large number of human resources in terms of their peers at their disposal.”

“That’s the whole thing with the internet really,” says Belnick, “Anyone can put a web site up. And it looks professional. But there’s nothing saying that there’s a 20-year-old kid behind it. Which is the biggest thing about the internet, you know, you can create your own credibility.”

Experts say parents should encourage entrepreneurship in their kids… whether it’s moving lawns or an online business.

They may not make millions… but they will learn a lot about managing a business and turning a profit.

“I think they learn, they grow, they mature. If they are not enriched financially then at least they are enriched in terms of life experiences that will serve them forever,” says Herchatter.

Tips for Parents

With the employment rate down for teens, many are opting for volunteer positions instead of paid positions. And despite many adults being convinced of a decline in the values and morals of today’s young people, recent surveys show that many teens are giving of their time to work for causes in which they believe and to help those who are less fortunate. Teens find volunteer opportunities through religious organizations, school-based programs and community agencies.

Teens listed several reasons for volunteering:

Compassion for people in need
Feeling they can do something for a cause in which they believe
A belief that if they help others, others will help them
In addition, some teens volunteer their time in occupational fields in which they are interested. In addition to being helpful, they are able to use their experiences in deciding on future career choices.

Teens reported benefiting from their volunteer experiences in many ways, including:

Learning to respect others.
Learning to be helpful and kind.
Learning to understand people who are different from them.
Developing leadership skills.
Becoming more patient.
Gaining a better understanding of good citizenship.
Exploring or learning about career options.
Developing new career goals.
Children learn from their parents. The survey showed teens that reported having positive role models were nearly twice as likely to volunteer as those who did not. Encourage your child to volunteer by setting an example. Youth Service America provides additional ways to increase teen volunteerism:

Ask them to volunteer.

Encourage youth to get involved at an early age. Volunteering when young creates lifelong adult volunteers.

Encourage children and young adults to participate in community groups, faith-based organizations, student government and school projects.

Encourage a positive self-image so young people are able to help others and contribute to their communities.

Be a mentor in your community.

Provide young people with opportunities to take courses that include and even require community service.

References
The Higher Education Research Institute
The Independent Sector
Youth Service America