Teenagers Online: The Challenge of Keeping Them Safe

What can parents do to keep their teens safe online?

 Parenting has been a frightening proposition since the beginning of time, but parents today are faced with challenges no generation has ever faced: raising children who have spent their entire lives immersed in the Internet and social media. Here we take a look at the threats and the safeguards that make a virtually impossible task manageable. The big bad Internet can be tamed, and your kids can  be kept safe.

Image source: www.bestcounselingdegrees.net  


Cyberbullying - 88% of teens say they have seen someone be mean or cruel to another person on a social network.1
- 26% of teens and young adults say someone has written something about them on an Internet page that wasn’t true.
- 16% say someone has put up embarrassing pictures or videos of them on an Internet page without their permission.
Take Action:
- Teach kids: don’t respond to online bullying; report it to an adult.
- Change passwords if suspicious activity is suspected.
- Teach kids how to block bullies on various social sites.
- Report harassment to website admins.
Gaming
- 82% of children claim to be gamers
- 51% of kid gamers play online
- 47%: teens who play online games with people they know in real life
- Fighting Games: middle school boys’ favorite style of game (and girls’ least favorite)
- 13%: percentage of underage teens to successfully buy mature-rated games
- Take action:
- Treat game consoles with the same Internet caution as a computer.
- Limit gaming features: No webcams!
- Avoid using real names in gamertags or screen names.
- Keep the game console out of the bedroom and in an openly observable location in the home.
- Beware of free downloadable games online, which can be packaged with viruses and spyware
Porn
- 93% of boys are exposed to porn online before the age of 18.
- 62% of girls
- 70%: percentage of boys who have looked at online porn for at least 30 minutes straight
- HALF of those boys have done so at least 10 times.
- (Compared to 23% for girls, 14% more than once)
- 39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen online sex acts involving bondage.
- 32: percentage of boys who have seen acts of bestiality online (girls, 18%)
- Rape or sexual violence: witnessed online by 18% of boys and 10% of girls
- 1 in 7 boys and 1 in 10 girls have seen child pornography online
- 13% of web searches are for erotic content
- Take Action:
- Teach kids never to click on unfamiliar links or search results
- Purchase blocking software and use parental controls for browsers
- Keep computers and mobile device use in readily observable locations in the home
- BE OPEN to discussing anything with your children. Let them know and see it’s safe to talk to you.
- Use Internet accountability services to get reports of online use
- Beware anonymizers, sites that conceal your child’s Internet activity. A good Internet accountability service will recognize them.
Online Predators
- “The offenders lure teens after weeks of conversations with them, they play on teens’ desires for romance, adventure, sexual information, understanding, and they lure them to encounters that the teens know are sexual in nature.” Dr. David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes against Children research center
- Most victims of online predators are teens.
- Most victims know they are talking to an adult.
- 50%: percentage of victims who claim to be in love with their predators
- Most teens ignore or delete messages from strangers
- Most sexual predation occurs with someone not considered a total stranger when the relationship begins.
The victims:
- 76 % are between the ages of 13 and 15
- 75% are female
- The predators:
- 99% are male
- 76% are 26+ years in age
- 20 years: almost half of predators are two decades older than their victims
- Chat rooms: the leading initial meeting place (76%)
- Only 5% pretend to be close to the same age as their victims
- Take action:
- Don’t be overly protective to the point of paranoia. Most online activity is fine, and paranoid parents can increase the risk of alienating their children.
- Let your children know what is and isn’t okay to talk about online.
- Look for red flags: increased secrecy and emotional obsession with internet use, withdrawal from friends and family
- Talk openly (not threateningly) with your kids about their online relationships.
Sexting
- 20%: teens who have transmitted nude or seminude images of themselves
- 39%: teens who have transmitted sexually suggestive messages
Take Action:
- Talk to teens about their definition of privacy: reality TV has completely altered that concept.
- Talk about sexual values and morals
Social Networks
- 55% of kids have a facebook account by the time they’re 12
- 40% of teens have observed illegal or underage drug abuse by their peers on social networks
- More than 1 in 10 teens use social media over three hours a day
- Those teens are almost twice as likely as their peers to binge drink, experiment with drugs, and be sexually promiscuous.
- Take Action:
- Be the decision maker on which social networks your children use and when they’re old enough to join.
- Always be a member of the sites your children join.
- Check browser history for social network use
- Google your child’s name periodically to check for online presence
- Employ Internet Accountability software
- Learn about and adjust the privacy settings on your child’s social networks
- Be clear with your child about what is acceptable to post-make sure they’re sticking to the rules.
- Source: http://www.covenanteyes.com/parenting-the-internet-generation/

Book Clubs: Tips to Start One This Summer

For people who love to read and be social, a book club can be the perfect outlet. Book clubs are a chance to kick back and unwind with friends over a shared interest. If you’re just starting a book club, pick one evening a month to sit back with a group of friends and discuss a book the group previously decided to read. Dissect the characters, the plot and the writing while enjoying food, drinks and good company. Need to occupy the kids for the night? Have them form a kids book club! Can’t commit to a regular monthly meeting? Start or join an online book club forum.

Take a look at these 21 blog posts for plenty of helpful information on starting a book club for adults, kids or online.

Adults
Before you start a book club, you need to consider how many people you want to include and if it’s an open club or one that’s by invite only. You’ll also want to decide if you’re going to focus on one particular genre or if you’re going to read books from all walks of life. These seven blog entries will help you work through the details and figure out where to begin.  

• Why I Love Book Clubs & Tips on How to Start One You can find a list of things you should consider when creating a book club on this blog post.
• Quick Guide: Start Your Summer Book Club Find a list of things to consider from Oprah when starting a book club, such as whether you pick new or old titles.
• Young Professional Problems: (Not Your Mom’s) Book Club Read this clever and funny post about a book club for young professionals.
• Book Clubs Made Easy! A simple solution to starting a book club is offered in this blog article.
• Starting a Foodie Book Club The main point to consider in this article is to make sure that you have like-minded readers when forming your book club.
• How to Start a Book Club You’ll find a thorough list of things to consider when starting a book club and some sound advice on this post.
• Want to Start a Book Club?  Get Organized by Answering these 7 Questions Find questions and a sample set of answers to help you get started on your own book club.

Kids
Starting a book club for kids can help kids improve their reading comprehension, as well as expose them to the idea that people can have different viewpoints on the same thing. While the focus of a book club for children should be about having fun, kids will still learn a lot from taking part in a book club.  These seven blog articles will help you get started.

• Starting a Book Club for Grades K-4 This post suggests including a craft with your book club meeting, among other suggestions.
• Anatomy of a Book Club This blog post describes how to start a book club with a group of teen girls.
• Start a Summer Book Club for Kids—Fun Stuff to Do Anywhere Read various suggestions on how to start a successful kids book club in this post.
• Starting a Kids’ Book Club There are a lot of helpful suggestions in this blog post for starting a book club for kids.
• 5 Ways to Avoid the “Summer Slide” and Keep Kids Reading Fun ideas, like creating a chart and posting it on the wall, are detailed in this blog post.
• How to Host a Children’s Book Club You can read many quality tips about what to do to start a kids’ book club and what the kids can learn by being in one.
• How to Start Your Own Little Book Club The questions posed on this blog article will  help you work through some of the details about forming a book club.

Virtual
Sometimes life is too hectic for regular book club gatherings, and the only way you can engage in a book club is if it’s online. With the integration of social media and the internet, starting a virtual book club is easier than ever. Read through these seven blog posts to learn how others have done it and what they considered before getting started.

• Book Lovers Unite Online Book Club Read how this online book club is going to work and how you could start one just like it.
• Olson Field Book Club Read about this long distance book club to see if it’s something you may want to start with your long distance friends.
• Virtual Book Club for Kids—Extraordinary Egg Check out the book and activities that this virtual book club is doing for their group.
• Get Back into Reading with the Blogger Book Club If you are a blogger or would like to start a blog, you can also join this book club and learn how the club will be handled.
• How to Start a Book Club Inside a Book Learn about a site where you can start a virtual book club or join others.
• Virtual Book Club This blogger decided to start a book club about books that interest her, and you could do the same thing.
• 10 Tips for Starting a Virtual Social Change Book Club Follow these step-by-step directions to start your own virtual book club.

Source:  Nanny Websites

Tweens and Facebook: Should They Be Allowed on Facebook?

This is a question that has been lingering for the past couple of years.  We know that kids under 13 are joining, but should they be?

The brave new world of technology has expanded so far that even your grandmother may have an account on the social networking clearinghouse that is Facebook. The fact that your elderly relatives have adopted Facebook, however, doesn’t mean that your child is ready to tackle the social media giant.

When your tween is pleading with you for permission to start a Facebook account and swearing that all of their friends have them, these are 10 of the reasons why you might want to stick to your guns and continue to ban the site for a few more years.

1. Bullying – Being bullied is a devastating situation, even for teenagers and young adults, but tweens are even more likely to be overwhelmed by bullies online. Kids who aren’t victims of bullying may also find themselves joining in with the crowd picking on another youngster in the no-holds-barred world of the Internet.
2. Exposure to Questionable Content – Even if your preteen is never approached by a sexual predator, she’s still likely to come across photos or status updates that simply aren’t age appropriate. A child who doesn’t have a Facebook account may be protected from that objectionable content for a bit longer, though.
3. Online Predators – Sexual predators lurking online are such a problem that entire television series have been dedicated to sting operations designed to catch them. Preteens simply aren’t equipped to properly fend off approaches from predators, and may be more susceptible to their techniques than older kids.
4. They’re Not Technically Allowed to Have Accounts – If you don’t prohibit Facebook use for your preteen for any other reason, you should consider the fact that allowing them to start an account is tantamount to telling them that it’s okay to lie. Facebook doesn’t allow users younger than 13, so your child will have to falsify her age in order to sign up. Doing so with your permission is effectively sending a message that lying is acceptable behavior if you’re lying to get something you really want.
5. Reducing Screen Time – Between television, video games and time spent online for homework purposes, kids spend enough of their day planted in front of an electronic screen. Facebook is just another way for your child to while away the hours in sedentary activity, rather than getting outside and being active.
6. Preserving Academic Performance – When your child is supposed to be online researching homework methods or studying for a big test, his shiny new Facebook account can be a very serious distraction. Kids so young may have difficulty controlling their impulses, and may spend far more time on the social media site than they do actually working.
7. Protecting Your Computer from Malware – You and your teenagers may have a basic idea of how to avoid malware and spyware sent out by unscrupulous Facebook users, but your tween probably doesn’t. Keeping your child off of social media for a few more years can also be your computer’s saving grace.
8. Because Kids Lack Adult Judgment – The fact that college students post photographs of binge drinking parties and incriminating status updates at an alarming rate is proof that young people don’t always have the best judgment when it comes to social networking. For a young child, not understanding acceptable Facebook use could lead to them sharing very sensitive personal information that later proves to be dangerous.
9. Friends Lists Can Be Difficult to Manage – When the friend requests start rolling in, your tween will probably accept each and every one of them because it makes her feel well-liked and cool. That can give some shady characters access to her profile, something she may have trouble understanding when she’s still so young.
10. Tech-Savvy Tweens Can Block Your Monitoring Efforts – Some preteens may have trouble avoiding malware and managing a friends list, but others will be tech-savvy enough to filter their updates and change security settings that affect what you’re able to see. Even if you think you’re monitoring your child, you may only be seeing a fraction of the things she does online.

If you still think that your preteen is mature and trustworthy enough to have a Facebook account without getting into trouble, the decision is up to you. Be warned, however, that your child could find all of her hard work tossed to the wayside if Facebook administrators discover that she’s maintaining an account before she’s reached the age limit set in the terms of use and decide to delete the account.

Source:  Babysitting Jobs

Need a great alternative to Facebook for tweens?  Check out Yoursphere!  It is designed for that age group where safety for your child is their priority!

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What's Your Brave? Lessons from Teen Girls on Everyday Courage

The What’s Your Brave?™ project shares the insights and acts of everyday courage of teenage girls from across the United States and eventually the world. What makes us different is that we are going to the real adolescent experts — that is, the teenage girls themselves. We are asking teen girls one “simple” question, “What’s Your Brave?”. In sharing their answers and the reoccurring themes we observe, our hope is to inspire parents to support their own daughters in finding their “brave” — the courage to be themselves even during their tumultuous adolescent years.

Learn more at www.whatsyourbrave.com. 

Teens Smoking Cigarettes: Quick Facts

Many parents call me about their teens and sometimes tweens that are lighting up.  We like to say pick and choose issues, and we don’t condone smoking cigarettes – but we can’t panic. 

Continue talking to our kid about how damaging smoking cigarettes is to your body as well as your overall health.  Smoking is not cool – but it is cool to be an educated parent.  More survey's and research is proving today that our kid's are listening to parents and they are the biggest influence on their children.  First and foremost, they have to be a good role model. 

Most people who smoke first light up a cigarette when they’re teens. In fact, 80% of smokers began the habit before they turned 18.

Here are a few quick facts about cigarette smoking, nicotine and tobacco that you may not have heard before. Even if you have, they’re facts that are worth keeping in mind when your friends and relatives light up a cigarette.

1. Nearly 70% of people who smoke say they wish they could quit.
2. Teens who smoke cough and wheeze three times more than teens who don’t smoke.
3. Smoking causes cancer, heart disease, lung disease and strokes.
4. Smokers as young as 18 years old have shown evidence of developing heart disease.
5. More than 70% of young people who smoke said they wish they hadn’t started doing it.
6. Smoking a pack of cigarettes each day costs about $1,500 per year — enough money to buy a new computer or Xbox.
7. Studies show that 43% of people who smoke three or fewer cigarettes a day become addicted to nicotine.
8. More than 434,000 Americans die each year from smoking-related diseases.
9. One-third of all new smokers will eventually die from a smoking-related disease.
10. Nicotine — one of the main ingredients in cigarettes — is a poison.
11. Nicotine is as addictive as heroin and cocaine.
12. All tobacco products — that includes cigarettes, cigars and chewing tobacco — have nicotine in them.
13. Smoking makes you feel weaker and more tired because it prevents oxygen from reaching your heart.
14. Smoking decreases your sense of taste and smell, making you enjoy things like flowers and ice cream a little bit less.
15. Smoking hurts the people around you: More than 53,000 people die each year from secondhand smoke.
16. Cigarettes have tons of harmful chemicals in them, including ammonia (found in toilet cleaner), carbon monoxide (found in car exhaust) and arsenic (found in rat poison).
17. Quitting smoking is one of the best things you can do for your health.
18. Just days after quitting smoking, a person’s sense of taste and smell returns to normal.
19. Ten years after quiting smoking, a person’s risk of lung cancer and heart disease returns to that of a non-smoker.
20. Most teens (about 70%) don’t smoke. Plus, if you make it through your teen years without becoming a smoker, chances are you’ll never become a smoker.

Adapted from “50 Things You Should Know About Tobacco” by Journeyworks Publishing.

Why Teenagers Should Have a Summer Job

 

Summer is around the corner and the question is common, should your teen get a job?  In some families it is a necessity if they want a cell phone or other gadgets that the parents don't have in their budget.  Personally, I believe a teen should have a job to learn a sense of responsibility.

With shows like “My Super Sweet 16” that glorify teens have extravagant lives and demanding over the top birthday parties we’ve become inundated with the idea that our teens need to be pampered and spoiled beyond reason. This mindset has led to teens believing that they deserve the most expensive clothes, cars, and cell phones, and that these things should just be handed to them on demand. The reality of it, though, is that our teenagers should be learning the importance of working hard for what they want, and one way to impart this lesson and have them reap the benefits of it is by having them work a part-time job.

There are numerous lessons and values teens will learn from working:

1.     Time management:  Having to balance school and work will teach teens early on the importance of prioritizing responsibilities and managing their time. The sooner they learn how to do this the better off they’ll be when they leave for college and eventually branch out into the real world of full-time jobs and responsibilities.
2.     Help build a resume:  Being able to list work experience on a resume will help your teen get ahead of the crowd when it comes time to apply for college or find a full-time job. It will show prospective colleges and employers that your teen is a motivated, hard-working individual and will set them above the people who have no prior work experience.
3.     Financial independence:  There’s a certain satisfaction that is brought about by being able to buy something you want with your own hard-earned money, and having a job that brings in a paycheck will allow teens to learn how to effectively manage their money and rely on themselves and not their parents for different purchases. Learning to manage money is a life skill that everyone needs to have, so learning it early on will only benefit your teenager.
4.     Develop indispensable life skills:  Your teen will learn very quickly the importance of working as a team and having solid communication skills, two talents that are transferrable into almost any industry or experience. The experiences that they have, both good and bad, from a part-time job will help them to become better-rounded as an individual.
5.     Learn the value of hard work:  Unfortunately hard work is becoming more under-valued these days, especially with teens, and it’s important to teach our kids that hard work is a trait to be admired and respected. Learning to work for what you want is an advantageous tool to have.
While your teens may complain about having to get a job initially, it’s likely that they’ll end up thanking you for it in the long run. The lessons they’ll learn from having to work a part-time job are irreplaceable.

Author Bio
Heather Smith is an ex-nanny. Passionate about thought leadership and writing, Heather regularly contributes to various career, social media, public relations, branding, and parenting blogs/websites. She also provides value to nanny service by giving advice on site design as well as the features and functionality to provide more and more value to nannies and families across the U.S. and Canada. She can be available at H.smith7295 [at] gmail.com.

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College Choices and Options for Your Teenager

Nothing is more difficult as a parent than watching your babies leave the nest.


This moment can happen at any age, but one of the most common associations is on the day they start college courses.

Even if your child will be living at home for a few years when they start school, the beginning of college still marks the beginning of their adult life. So, how do you prepare your kids for the process of choosing a college based on their needs? And, how do you do this while recognizing that this decision is, ultimately, up to your child?

Even though this can feel like a thin tight rope to walk, and you may be more nervous about your child’s choice of college than he or she is, it is still very important to have a discussion with your teen about future college plans. In fact, this conversation can be helpful for you both.

Here are some good tips for going about it:

1. Be realistic about your expectations.  This is probably the most important step parents need to reach in order to have a successful talk with their teen about college. There is nothing wrong about setting high standards for your children and having high hopes for the education that they will pursue after graduation, especially if you intend to pay for it. However, you have to remember that, once they graduate high school, your kids’ lives are technically in their own hands. They will be of the age to make their own decisions and determine their own futures. So, parents need to reach a healthy balance of personal expectations and allowing their children the freedom to follow their own dreams before a conversation can be had.

2. Figure out how they feel.  The next step after you have come to terms with your own expectations is to figure out what your child’s expectations are for him or herself. Starting in on page twenty when your kid has only thought about college to about page four won’t really work. Likewise, falsely assuming your child is starting at square one when, in fact, he or she has been researching schools for months is another way to start the conversation off on the wrong foot. Instead, ask your child how much time they have spent thinking about going to college. Then, ask them what they have been feeling about it. Figure out where your kids are in the process before you carry on with a discussion.

3. Make sure they understand the commitment.  There is more to college than picking a school and signing up. College students are no longer on a high school timetable where they attend school from 8 to 3 every day and have their schedules lined up for them. In college, your child will be responsible for getting himself to class on his own and getting work done in a timely manner without parental supervision. There is also a huge financial commitment involved in enrollment. Once you know your child’s plans, you can discuss with them the realities of those plans and how they mesh with the realities of what your family can provide.

4. Ask what you can do to help.  Instead of becoming a dictator in your child’s college search, simply ask what you can do to help the process. Ultimately, unless your child wants you to choose a school for them, the choice of where to go and what to study is up to your kid, so you should simply act as a form of help and guidance in the process. Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what. If your teenager doesn’t seem to know how to take the first steps toward figuring out college plans, then you can step in and provide a little direction by setting up school visits and looking for information about degree plans.

5. Suggest other sources of guidance.  If your teen is less than enthusiastic about working with you on college plans, you can refer them to someone you trust to provide insight and advice. Try suggesting that they talk to their favorite teacher, a college-aged cousin, or anyone else who has their best interests at heart for help along the way.

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Get Help 24/7 Counselors On Call: 121Help.Me

121help.me is a program of the North American Alliance of Child Helplines (NAACH). The goal of the program is to create universal crisis portals for children/youth, both on the phone and on-line, as mechanisms to reach qualified, professional crisis counselors 24/7. For information about NAACH or 121help.me please contact  info@121help.me.

Learn more at  http://www.121help.me/