Sue Scheff: Do you know what Google is saying about you?

Do you know what lurks online?

Internet Safety has become a priority concern for many parents. Whether you are worried about predators online, or your child’s social networking; don’t forget about your child’s (especially teens) virtual image.

Today more and more colleges and employers are using your name or your child’s name in a “Google Search Box.” They may use other search engines, but Google seems to be the trend and most frequently used.

Years ago I woke up to find myself in the middle of a Cyber-War that I literally thought was simply a nightmare and what I was seeing/reading online had to be a mistake.
It wasn’t! If you can imagine the most horrible things being said about you, including sexual innuendos, anti-semantic remarks, and worse, you will be living what I went through.

My never before told story is finally told in my upcoming book, Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet (Health Communications, Inc. September 2009). People that have reviewed this book are simply stunned, shocked and amazed what can happen to you if you are not aware of your online presence or have a cyberstalker.

Google Bomb will not only go behind the scenes of my 2+ year court battle that vindicated me with a landmark $11.3M jury verdict for damages done to me online (Internet Defamation and Invasion of Privacy), it will also offer you practical guidance. Have you been slimed online?
What does this have to do with parenting? Your child will be applying to colleges someday, or filling out job applications. Are they aware of what Google is saying about them? For that matter, do you know what Google is saying about you?

Remember, it can take 20 years to build a solid reputation about you, and only 20 minutes for it to be destroyed with evil keystrokes. Whether you have a disgruntled client, a friend turned foe or a relative that didn’t like the reading of a will – you need to be prepared to protect your cyber profile.

From students to teachers, lawyers to landscapers, truck drivers to doctors, stay-at-home moms to career women, teens to grandparents – no one is immune to what lurks online.
For more info: Google Bomb Book, Sue Scheff, Amazon, ReputationDefender Blog, Wit's End Book, EpicCenter Wired, UPI-Breaking News Google ordered to reveal anonymous Blogger, Washington Post, AARP Bulletin, LA Times Part 1, LA Times Part 2.

Also on Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Ten Signs You Have A Successful Blended Family

Source: Blended Families Advice

By Shirley Cress Dudley

Top Ten Signs You Have A Successful Blended Family

1- You and your spouse have clear house rules that apply to all family members

Yes, this means that house rules don’t change when you are tired, or your spouse is out of town. Both biological children and stepchildren all follow the same rules. It really does help when the parents also follow the same rules. (Why does Dad get to eat in the living room when the rest of us can’t?)

2- You hear laughter at meals

The kids are joking and comfortable enough to be a little silly at times. Even if some of your kids are more outgoing, watch your introverted children respond by smiling to the antics of the louder children.

3- All children are treated fairly and equally by their biological parent and their stepparent

The children are watching to see if you really love everyone the same, and will keep “tabs” on how you are doing!

4- Your child is willing to introduce their stepparent to their teachers or friends

It’s awkward at first, but smile and praise your kids (later) when they are able to introduce their new stepparent to their friends and teachers.

5- Your stepsiblings talk to each other, when they are in the house together

With a newly blended family, silence may be the loudest noise in your home. As kids become more used to their new family, they will gradually talk with their new stepsiblings. Don’t automatically jump into the conversation. Let them talk amongst themselves without realizing that you and your spouse are listening and rejoicing over their conversational attempts.

6- You have more than one photo, in your house, with all members of your blended family in it, and everyone is smiling

I know some of you are laughing, but a newly blended family does NOT photograph well together. There are lots of frowns, pouts, crossed arms and lowered heads. Take candid shots of your kids, while they are enjoying an activity. This is a great way to expose them to photos of your new family. Display these candid shots around your home. It takes a little while, but photographing your family, as a whole, is an important step for all. You are stating to the world that this is my family, and I’m proud of it.

7- One of your kids walks in, with a bag full of snacks, and says “want some” to one of his stepsiblings

It’s just a common courtesy, but really important. Your children are acknowledging that their stepsiblings are someone they care about, and are willing to share with these new family members.

8- You have new family traditions that your blended family has developed, on their own

Both families came into the new blended family with memories of their own traditions, especially around the holidays. Take time and share these memories, and develop slightly different traditions of your own. Make sure all children have a part in the development of these traditions.

9- A visiting child tells her parent that she had fun and asks, “When is the next time I visit you?”

When the visiting children feel at home, during their brief visits, and are looking forward to the next one, you have truly made some progress. Make sure each child has some personal space of their own, when they visit. Separate bedrooms are great, but not always practical. If you can keep a few personal items in their space (and make sure these items aren’t touched in their absence) this creates a sense of familiarity and also ownership, when they arrive for their visits.

10- The kids share a joke or an issue with each other

It may sound strange, but a group of kids teaming up against the parents is a sign of a successful blended family. It’s O.K. to disagree, but seeing your children and stepchildren unite on any topic is quite exciting to watch and a wonderful accomplishment in your blending.

It’s Worth It!

Blending two families together can be quite a challenge, but is worth the effort. Seeing your two families come together as one unit is a fantastic accomplishment. Not easy- but is it doable, with patience and persistence.

For more information on how to blend your step family- check out our book, Blended Family Advice Ebook by Shirley Cress Dudley.

Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master’s degree in Education. She has a passion for helping blended families grow strong and be successful. Visit our website for more help with your blended family issues. http://www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com/

Sue Scheff: Teen Drivers

When your teenager reaches the age of their new freedom, called driving, it can cause many parents to reach stress levels that they never knew existed. Or quietly honestly, just hoped this day would never come, since it was only yesterday we taught them to ride a bike.

As a Parent Advocate I believe an educated parent is a prepared parent that equals a safer teen! I know personally the stress I went through when both my teens (now adults) started driving. What I found to be interesting was that my daughter was very anxious to get behind the wheel and had her permit within a week of her birthday. My son wasn’t in any hurry and actually was 18 before he got his license.

We all have different teens with unique personalities; however the nature of parenting usually doesn’t change: we worry. I am listing a few great resources targeted at helping you with this next stage of parenting teens - teen drivers.

Teen Driving – A must read and print out, Teen Driving Contract. This website offers tremendous tips about teenage driving, maintaining their cars, driving in a variety of weather conditions, looking into car insurance for teens and more.

Safe Teen Driving Club – 1-866-930-TEEN (8336) is a comprehensive website and organization that I encourage parents to take the time to review. From choosing a safe car to learning about defensive driving, Safe Teen Driving Club covers a wide range of topics that are critical for you and your teen to be aware of. You may also be interested in their recommended vehicle tracker (GPS).

ZoomSafer – “We don’t let friends drive distracted.” Distracted driving is a complicated and growing behavioral problem, especially with teenagers. Whether it is texting or talking on your cell phone while driving, it is a distraction that can potentially lead to tragic endings. Follow ZoomSafer on Twitter at @IDriveFocused and get updates.

Vision 20/20 – The Vision 20/20 P.O.M. Pilot is one of the smallest real-time GPS tracking devices available. If you are considering a GPS, this one is waterproof, highly sensitive and comes equipped with a panic button, GeoFencing features, remote control and more. Follow Vision 20/20 on Twitter at @GoVision2020.

I am confident there are many other great resources online for parents (feel free to leave comments below), as well as products. It is up to the parent to decide what is best for their individual families. There are many different services and products. I encourage all parents to do their research before choosing the right product for them.

For more info: CDC - Teen Drivers, Save Teen Drivers Blog. Take the time to visit these websites and resources.

Also posted on Examiner.com.

Sue Scheff: Afterschool Programs - Keeping Teens Busy

Source: Connect with Kids

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. - and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school.”

– Walt Thompson, Executive Director, After School All-Stars

Every day the recession continues, more after-school programs are forced to close their doors. This despite studies that show when teens don’t go to an after-school program they are three times more likely to smoke pot, drink alcohol, skip school and have sex.

And yet, each day, when the school bell rings, more than 14 million American kids are left alone.

Experts say those hours after school are the most dangerous - especially for kids in middle school.

“The highest juvenile crime rate is between three and six p.m. - and in many neighborhoods, the juveniles that are doing that crime or getting in trouble are between the ages of 11 and 14 or 15 years old, and that’s the middle school,” explains Walt Thompson, Executive Director of the Georgia chapter of After School All-Stars.

Many high school kids have a job or sports, or some after-school activity. But middle-schoolers, Thompson says, “they are the neglected age…if you go into the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are creating havoc in the neighborhoods, those are the kids that are getting arrested, those are the kids that are doing drugs, those are the kids that are getting initiated into gangs and the girls are getting pregnant.”

That’s why, experts say, it’s crucial for parents to find an after-school program for their kids.

And the best place to start is your child’s school.

“It provides structure, provides somewhere for kids to come, be with children of their own age involved in constructive activities,” explains Tresa Andrews, principal of King Middle School.

Andrews hosts the After School All-Stars program at her school. She says keeping kids in one place is essential, “They don’t have the opportunity to, quote-unquote, become lost trying to get from one location to another,” she notes. “We’re here.”

Ashley Carlisle, 14, is in the program. Here she can finish her homework and spend more time with her friends.

Ashley’s mom says the program is invaluable. “It helps me because I’m running in the morning to one job,” she says, “and I used to worry cause the area I live in - to me- is not as a secure area that I would like for it to be, and I worry about her in the afternoons.”

Experts say kids in after-school programs have better grades, higher attendance rates and are less likely to commit a crime.

Thompson says it’s a win-win situation for everyone. “If you take that kid that may get in trouble and put them in a structured environment,” he says, “it’s got to be good. Whether it has an influence on their grades or whatever, if they’re in a structured program with loving and caring adults, it’s got to be a good thing.”

Tips for Parents

The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center defines after-school programs as safe, structured activities that convene regularly in the hours after school and offer activities to help children learn new skills and develop into responsible adults. Activities may cover such topics as technology, reading, math, science and the arts. And the programs may also offer new experiences for children, such as community service, internships or tutoring and mentoring opportunities.

As a parent, why should you consider an after-school program for your child? Without structured, supervised activities in the after-school hours, youth are at greater risk of being victims of crime or participating in antisocial behaviors. In fact, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reports that juveniles are at the highest risk of being a victim of violence between 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. And the peak hour for juvenile crime is from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m., the first hour that most students are dismissed from school.

If you are interested in enrolling your child in an after-school program, you have several different types from which to choose. The Educational Resources Information Center says that a good after-school program should offer children the chance to have fun and feel comforted, as well as motivate them to learn. The best programs offer a comprehensive set of activities that do the following for your child:

■Foster his or her self-worth and develop his or her self-care skills
■Develop his or her personal and interpersonal social skills and promote respect for cultural diversity.
■Provide help with homework, tutoring and other learning activities
■Provide time and space for quiet study
■Provide new, developmentally appropriate enrichment activities to add to his or her learning at school, help him or her develop thinking and problem-solving skills and spark curiosity and love of learning
■Provide recreational and physical activities to develop physical skills and constructively channel his or her energy pent up after a day sitting in a classroom
■Encourage participation in individual sports activities to help develop self-esteem by striving for a personal best, and participation in group sports to provide lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution
■Provide age-appropriate job readiness training
■Provide information about career and career-training options, preferably through firsthand experiences with community business leaders and tours of local businesses
Some programs may be excellent while others may be lacking in resources and staff, and therefore, less attractive to parents. It is important when choosing an after-school program to ask questions, visit the facility and get to know the staff.

References
■Boys & Girls Clubs of America
■Educational Resources Information Center
■National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
■Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Sue Scheff: Teens that Inspire

Being a Parent Advocate offers me an opportunity to meet not only parents, but also amazing teens.

With my organization, Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.), we are in contact with parents that are struggling with their teenager. Whether it is failing school, defiance, disrespectful, running away (sneaking out), using drugs and/or alcohol as well as other negative behaviors, parents are at their wit’s end.

Teens that inspire need to be recognized. I am listing a few that I have personally been in contact with and believe that parents will be amazed at what teenagers can accomplish. Some of these teens have taken a negative situation in their life and turned it around to help others. Then we have a 12 year old wonder boy! Take time to visit these websites and learn how one teen can change the lives of thousands.

Cati Cares– Cati is an amazing 16 year old that has created awareness and a crusade to help STOP bullying and cyberbullying. As a victim herself in the 6th grade, she has turned her unpleasant and hurtful experience into a campaign to help other teens. Her website offers Internet safety tips, Cyberbully Prevention and much more. Join her movement today! Follow Cati on Twitter at @wwwCatiCarescom

Joni Poole – When you think of a survivor, think of Joni. On August 22, 2007, Joni was raped and sexually assaulted. She was only 16 at the time. Since this horrific assault, Joni found the strength to fight back legally and found justice. From here, Joni could have moved on with life and attempted to put this time behind her. Instead, she created Sexual Assault Abuse and Rape Awareness (S.A.A.R.A.) Joni is now a voice to be heard and fighting for victims of sexual abuse. Join Joni on Facebook and MySpace. Help her to help others.

Danielle Herb –At 15 years old, Danielle has accomplished more than many adults do in a lifetime. Danielle created a program for ADHD/Autistic children with her expertise in horsemanship. Drop Your Reins is becoming nationally recognized, and Danielle is the driving force. As an ADHD child herself, she truly relates to the children and inspires them to overcome their fears. Learn more about this unbelievable teen at Drop Your Reins and follow her on Twitter at @DanielleHerb.

Lane S. – He is our 12 year wonder boy who is an incredible source of information and has a maturity that will blow you away! He owns, operates and writes for his website – http://www.kidcriticusa.com/– where he gives you insights through “kid’s point of view”. When I found out he was only 12, I was shocked. Be sure to follow him on Twitter at @KidCriticUSA and I am sure you will see what I and many others have realized, Lane is going places!

Krysten Moore – Grace, dignity, integrity, and beauty, both inside and out. Krysten is one of the Bullying Prevention Spokespersons for Love Our Children USA. At 17 years old, she was Miss Teen New Jersey International 2007. When I meet her, I was in awe of her. As a sophomore in college now, she is still active in helping others fight bullying and cyberbullying. In my latest book, Google Bomb, on page 198, you can read about Krysten’s experiences in school and how she was teased and bullied. She took action, took her life back and continues to be a voice against bullying.

For more info: Please take the time to visit each of these amazing teens websites. Send them an email of support and follow them on Twitter!

Also posted on The Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: PTA - Every child. One Voice.

As the largest volunteer child advocacy association in the nation, Parent Teacher Association (PTA) reminds our country of its obligations to children and provides parents and families with a powerful voice to speak on behalf of every child while providing the best tools for parents to help their children be successful students.

PTA does not act alone. Working in cooperation with many national education, health, safety, and child advocacy groups and federal agencies, the national PTA organization collaborates on projects that benefit children and that bring valuable resources to its members.

Visit the PTA website for more information and follow them on Twitter at @PTAeditor.

Sue Scheff: Who is Jaylen? Help STOP Childhood Bullying

I recently wrote an article for the Examiner.com about Teens that inspire.

In the comments, I was introduced to an amazing young boy, only 8 years old, that embodies the word "inspiration." So who is Jaylen Arnold? Read all about him!

My name is Jaylen Arnold, I am 8 years old and in the 2nd grade. I am ready to change the world through my challenge! I want to STOP childhood bullying! I made this page to help put an end to kids that bully other kids...especially disabled ones.


I am a disabled child who suffers from Tourette's Syndrome (TS - a Neurological Disorder), Aspergers Syndrome (ASP - a broad spectrum Autism Disorder), and severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD - much more than just washing your hands or checking things over and over...believe me)!

I began symptoms of Tourette when I was 2 years old. The diagnosis came at age 3. The OCD followed by age 4, and more recently, the Aspergers was diagnosed at age 8.

So I am what some might call an alpahabet kid. See look, here is my name: Jaylen Arnold, TS, OCD, ASP (I am beginning to have all the letters of the alphabet behind my name) he!he!

My mom says I'm a kind and loving boy. My dad says I'm really intelligent. IQ test scores say I'm 3 points below genius. But I say, God made me really special and I know that if I try super duper hard, I can do anything I want to do. One day, I'm going to be on the Disney Channel & You Tube educating people about teasing and bullying! And one day, Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, and The Jonas Brothers will be wearing my armband to help stop bullying! I've never heard her sing, but Oprah has a lot of fans, I know she can help me with bullies. When I grow up, I want to be a dentist (hope my tics don't interfere with me having my hands in your mouth)!

I love all people and all kinds of things - unless your coughing and sick - in that case, I will wave & flap you away because with my severe OCD, I'm really quite the germ-o-phobe. I just can't help it. I can actually feel your germs landing on my toungue if you don't completely cover your cough or sneeze! Even if you are a long way from me. If I can hear you cough, I got the wave going on!

I have complex Tourette's which means I have vocal "tics" and motor "tics" pretty severly. They interrupt my daily living and are quite troubling. If you don't know what "tics" are just hang around and you'll soon find out. (No they are not the bugs - ticks) he!he! I also often yell out the word BAM! for no apparent reason.

There is no cure. They don't really know too much about this disorder. There are very few medicines available and they come with very bad side effects. I'm a little guy so my parents don't want to take a chance on me taking these medicines that can give me a heart problem...so they protect me naturally, the best they can. I just want the "tics" to stop. You control your body, my body controls me (and boy does it ever). he! he! BAM!

My parents have always protected my environment by sending me to a private school. At my school everyone is mostly accepting and loving to me. We are like a family. One day, I decided I was a big boy and I wanted to go to regular school. Boy, that was a mistake! My disorders got way worse with the stress. The doctors say my disorders cause me to have a lot of anxiety. I witnessed a lot of fighting and meanness. I don't like fighting. I was really scared for the other kids to see my "tics" and know that I was different. I was trying so hard to hold them in. I would go to the hall and try to get them out. Eventually, I couldn't hold them in. It's like a big sneeze...you can hold it for a few seconds, but then it just blows out really hard. BAM! I was soon "ticcing" all day long. The other kids were copying my tics.

One day the teacher put a little sign on me that said I had a medical condition, Tourette Syndrome. My parents really didn't like that too much. It was embarrassing because the kids then knew I had something wrong. Before that, they thought my noises and movements were me being a class clown. I was okay with that, as long as they didn't know the truth! My condition got so bad that I began hurting myself with my tics. I didn't mean to, but my stress and overstimulation was so bad that my "tics" got very hard.

The muscles used to perform the tics were contracting very hard. The Dr. called those "violent tics". I was crying one night because I was hurting so bad, and when my mom saw how I was bruising myself from the tics, she took me right out of that school and I am now back at my Christian school. She kept me at home for a bit ~ we made a video for you to see on the videos page. You see when your tics get that bad, it takes weeks or months for those tics to calm down. I had to decompress and become de-sensitized. I love my school. Those kids don't bully or tease me. They love me for who I am and I want all kids to experience the same feeling.

Read more and learn how you can help Jaylen too! Visit Jaylen's Challenge and follow him on Twitter at @JaysChallenge

Sue Scheff: Do you what Google is saying about you?

Do you know what lurks online?

Internet Safety has become a priority concern for many parents. Whether you are worried about predators online, or your child’s social networking; don’t forget about your child’s (especially teens) virtual image.

Today more and more colleges and employers are using your name or your child’s name in a “Google Search Box.” They may use other search engines, but Google seems to be the trend and most frequently used.

Years ago I woke up to find myself in the middle of a Cyber-War that I literally thought was simply a nightmare and what I was seeing/reading online had to be a mistake.

It wasn’t! If you can imagine the most horrible things being said about you, including sexual innuendos, anti-semantic remarks, and worse, you will be living what I went through.
My never before told story is finally told in my upcoming book, Google Bomb, The Untold Story of the $11.3M Verdict That Changed the Way We Use the Internet (Health Communications, Inc. September 2009). People that have reviewed this book are simply stunned, shocked and amazed what can happen to you if you are not aware of your online presence or have a cyberstalker.

Google Bomb will not only go behind the scenes of my 2+ year court battle that vindicated me with a landmark $11.3M jury verdict for damages done to me online (Internet Defamation and Invasion of Privacy), it will also offer you practical guidance. Have you been slimed online?

What does this have to do with parenting? Your child will be applying to colleges someday, or filling out job applications. Are they aware of what Google is saying about them? For that matter, do you know what Google is saying about you?

Remember, it can take 20 years to build a solid reputation about you, and only 20 minutes for it to be destroyed with evil keystrokes. Whether you have a disgruntled client, a friend turned foe or a relative that didn’t like the reading of a will – you need to be prepared to protect your cyber profile.

From students to teachers, lawyers to landscapers, truck drivers to doctors, stay-at-home moms to career women, teens to grandparents – no one is immune to what lurks online.

For more info: Google Bomb Book, Sue Scheff, Amazon, ReputationDefender Blog, Wit's End Book, EpicCenter Wired, UPI-Breaking News Google ordered to reveal anonymous Blogger.

Also posted on Examiner.com