Sue Scheff: Neighborhoods and your Teens

Where do you live? Many of us live in places we truly love and most of live where we can financially afford. Sometimes these are good areas, sometimes they are not, but as long as you have your family and make it your priority, the real estate location is not a priority.

A misconception is that more troubled teens come from "bad" neighborhoods, maybe that is true, however that doesn't eliminate the fact there are also troubled teens in very good neighborhoods and A rated schools.

Most important is that you don't become a product of your environment as much as you insure your family is kept together with good morals.

Being an educated parent can help you and your kids have a better life wherever you live. Teach respect, empower your children with dignity and integrity no matter what neighborhood they come from. Teach them responsibility and accountability for their own actions.

Encourage your teens to volunteer, get a job, start a group to help others or simply reach out to your neighbors. Building a child's self esteem is one of the best ways you can guide them into a bright future. Giving back to others can give so much to you. Teach your teens this early on and no matter where you live, your kids will learn how to make the world a better place.

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Sue Scheff: How to talk SEX with your Teens and Tweens

The dreaded birds and the bees talk can still today make many parents uncomfortable. However more today than any generation prior, it is imperative the talk is not only a priority, it is appropriately addressed without instilling fear and giving as much honest information as possible.

How to Talk About Sex to Your Teen

There are many things that parents are willing to do for their kids, but when it comes to educating them and talking to them about sex, they're very, very reluctant to do so. Perhaps they're still unwilling to accept the fact that their babies are growing up and fast becoming adults, or perhaps they're just too embarrassed to talk about this subject with their children. But there comes a time in your child's life when he/she will learn about the birds and the bees, and it's best that you be the one to tell them about the natural attraction between the sexes and the sexual act itself. So if you're wondering how to break the ice on this topic which is most often taboo in most homes, here's how you can talk to your teen about sex:


Be your child's friend: The process starts early, as soon as your child is able to understand the vagaries of life. You must be friends with your son or daughter if you want them to listen to what you have to say about sex when the time comes for this talk. If you're aloof with them and behave like typical parents, they're not going to be receptive to your little talk. So be your child's friend rather than a judgmental parent so that this talk about sex becomes that much easier when the time comes.

Start early: Don't wait till your child hits puberty to talk to them about menstruation and other aspects of adulthood. Their bodies begin to change much before they hit puberty, so spend more time with them as they enter their tween and teen years. Educate them about the bodily changes they can expect and teach your daughter and son how to handle puberty. While girls have to be aware of their monthly periods, boys are usually guilty about wet dreams and masturbation. If they don't know the facts, they could become mentally disturbed by the changes they are going through.

Don't just educate them, talk to them: It's not enough to just use a book or an educational video to teach your tween or teen about the basics of sex. They probably already know what goes where and how people do it; what they don't know and what you should tell them is the consequences their sexual actions will have, not just on them but on the others who are affected too. Teach them to make the right choices and to be aware of their actions. And even though you don't want them to have sex right away, educate them about contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

Encourage them to come to you with any problem: If you teach your child that sex is taboo and to be avoided at all costs till they get married, you're never going to know if he or she gets into trouble because they're going to be afraid of your reaction if they tell you. And if you even suggest that it's ok to experiment and be sexually promiscuous, you're going to have trouble of a different kind. There's a thin line between these two opposing views that you must tread, one that encourages them to exercise caution, and yet, one that also tells them that they can come to you with any problem that they might have relating to sex or relationships. When you are open with your child, you know they're safe no matter what they do.

By-line: This post is written by Susan White, who writes on the topic of Radiologist Technician Schools . She welcomes your comments at her email id: susan.white33@gmail.com .


Learn more about teenage pregnancy. Click here.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier tweens and teens!

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Sue Scheff: I Care I Cure Foundation - Finding a Gentler Cure

The I Care I Cure Foundation supports the development of, and raises public awareness about, cutting-edge, targeted therapies for childhood cancer, so the treatment of childhood cancer will be gentler and more tolerable. - www.icareicurefoundation.org

Do you love running or outside fun with family and friends? In South Florida January has the perfect weather for activities outside!

The I Care I Cure Foundation will have their 3rd Annual I Care I Cure. . . I Run 5k/10k Walk/Run that will be held at the BankAtlantic Center in Sunrise, FL on Sunday, January 24, 2010 at 7 a.m. The Walk/Run is open to adults and kids alike and supports I Care I Cure's mission of raising awareness and funds for gentler cures for childhood cancer. Following the walk/run, there will be an expanded Family Fun Day with activities for kids, food and lots of fun!

A bit of history about this wonderful foundation:

The I Care I Cure Foundation was founded by Beth and Brad Besner (along with their friends and family) in honor of their son, Ian, who was diagnosed with T-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL) in January, 2006, one week before his 11th birthday. Ian was an extraordinary boy who shared his joy and love of life with everyone who met him.....


When Ian was diagnosed with leukemia, his whole world fell apart. He was bitterly angry. While the "cure" rate for ALL has come a long way with "cure" rates of 75-80% ", the reality of pediatric cancer treatment is excruciatingly difficult. Ian's treatment was to last about 2 ½, years and entail massive doses of toxic chemotherapies administered orally, intravenously, through frequent shots to his legs and spine, and radiation to his brain. To a bright, joyful, enthusiastic child, this so-called "cure" was a death sentence - the end of life as he knew it.... read more here.

Learn more about this foundation and how you can help. Click here.

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Sue Scheff: Should a Parent Read Their Teen's Diary?

This is a subject that has many answers and opinions. First and foremost parents need to remember, "When Safety Trumps Privacy!"

Teenagers earn their trust with their parents. Respecting each others privacy should always be priority, however if you fear your teenager is heading down a dark path, and is not willing to talk to you or a third party (therapist, guidance counselor, relative or adult friend), you may have to cross the line of trust.

What are some of the warning signs that may prompt you to cross this line?

Is your teen becoming very secretive? Sure, teens do like their privacy, however if you have a "gut feeling" something is deeper than a secret, you may have to cross that line.

• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Again, teens will develop some attitudes of not wanting to be with adults, however when it becomes extreme, it may be time to cross that line.
• Is your teen changing peer groups? And this is not into a better one, however to one that is less than desirable? You will again attempt to talk to your teen and find out why and what happened to the other friends.
• Is your teens eating habits changing?
• Is your teen sleeping a lot? Bloodshot eyes? Do you suspect drug use?
• Is your teen sneaking out? Becoming extremely defiant? Not respecting your boundaries?
• Overall, is your teen slowly becoming a child you don't recognize?

When safety trumps privacy you are being a responsible parent. On the flip side, if your teen is not giving you any reason to "snoop" then you should respect their journal and/or diary and not open it.

What happens when you read the journal and find out more than you expected? This can be a very scary and shocking time and the last thing you want to do is explode. If your teen is struggling already, you don't need to add to this and possibly escalate it and/or give them reason to continue the negative behavior.

More importantly, if you are reading that your child is being bullied or suffering with depression (whether it is from low self worth or not fitting in), it is imperative you attempt to open lines of communication. Starting a conversation about yourself and maybe some of the feelings you had at her age could be a great conversation opener.

If you don't feel you are able to do this, please reach out and be sure your teen get the help he/she may need. Teens need to know that we do care about them, we are very much concerned about their happiness and we are not trying to stop them from having fun, however if their safety is jeopardized, we need to be a parent first.

Should you read your teen's diary? That is a personal question only you can answer.

Remember writing can be very healthy for teens (and adults for that matter), so if your teen isn't giving you any valid reasons to "invade their privacy" - respect it.

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Sue Scheff: One Click Away - Be an educated parent online

Have you thought about how dangerous a "click of a mouse" is? Dangerous?

As you start a new year, take the time to educate yourself on Internet safety. Learn how you can become proactive in your kids lives both online and off. Learn how that one click can either open doors that you can benefit from, or enter hallways are dark and dangerous.

You can put as many parent safety controls on your computer system. You can employ technical gadgets galore, but until you educate yourself and your kids about the dangers that can lurk online, you and your family are not 100% protected.

Yes, you can be just one click away: Be sure it is a click into safety not danger.

Social Web Tips for Parents
Social Web Tips for Teens
Chat room Safety Tips - Know who your kids are mingling with online.
Basic Online Safety Tips: Parenting 101 Cyber Safety
Learn about Internet Predators
Internet Things Your Children Should Never Know
SEXTING: What parents need to know
Parenting 2010: Getting Ahead of your kids technically
T.A.L.K.

Did you order your FREE Cyber safety book from the FTC? Order today!

Be an educated parent, you will have safer kids!

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Sue Scheff: Penguin Parenting - Is parenting black and white?

As we enter into 2010 parenting has taken on a whole new look, but has it really?

Years ago our parents worried about us and what our future will be. Today: That is still the same.

Years ago our parents told us we needed to finish high school and get an education. Today: That is still the same.

Years ago our parents told us someday we would understand why they wouldn't allow something. Today: That is true, as we parent our own kids and think back about how we have come full circle.

Years ago our parents said we should respect authority, always. Today: That is still the same.

Years ago our parents told us that we need to learn responsibility. Today: That is still the same.

Is parenting really black and white? If only it were that easy, however it is the same as it was years ago except:

• You are reading this article online instead of picking up the paper off your front step.
• You are conversing with your kids either via text or email.
• You are learning about technology and how to not only keep your kids safe in general, you need to worry about what is lurking in cyberspace.

Yes, going into 2010 in the parenting world may be the same in a lot of ways, however today you have many more resources and access to become an educated parent - so those exceptions will help you learn more about what your kids are doing - both online and off!

Must read: Parenting 2010: Getting Ahead of Your Kids Virtually. (5 part series)

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Sue Scheff: Drunk Driving Prevention

New Year's Eve is this week! During the holiday season the increase in drunk driving is a major concern. What many don't think about is buzzed driving harms the same way drunk driving does.

Here are some tips to prevent drunk driving during New Year's Eve from eHow.com:

Step 1: Plan ahead. Discuss with your friends a plan for all of you to return home safely. You can pick a designated driver, arrange for someone who has not been drinking to pick you up or plan to use public transportation or a cab. Arrange to pick up the car the following day.
Step 2: Drive home a friend who has had too much to drink. That way you will know that your friend did not accept a ride from a stranger, drive herself or otherwise risk her life and the lives of others.
Step 3: Invite the person who has had too much to drink to sleep over. He won't have to return for his car the next day, and everyone remains safe.
Step 4: Take the keys. Be calm and firm, but be certain to take the keys away from anyone who drinks too much and intends to drive. You can be proactive and take the keys early in the evening. If the person is sober, you can easily give back her keys.
Step 5: If you don't know the person well, enlist help in getting the keys. Ask a bartender for help. Many bars have plans in place to deal with drivers who drink too much, especially on New Year's Eve. Do not hesitate to ask a friend, a host or a family member for assistance.

Tips & Warnings

Remember the saying, "Friends don't let friends drink and drive." (or buzzed!)

Don't take a chance that lack of action on your part might make it possible for an accident to occur.

Do not rely on someone's physical appearance to determine her state of intoxication.

In some communities, you may be legally liable if an accident occurs as the result of someone drinking too much alcohol that was provided by you.

Take the pledge to eliminate drunk driving. Visit MADD.

Remember, Buzzed Driving is drunk driving! Watch video.

Have a safe and healthy New Year!

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Sue Scheff: SEXTING - What Parents Need to Know

Parenting resolutions are ones that you can't afford to ignore or neglect after a few weeks. One of 2009's hot and trendy topics is "sexting." What is sexting? It is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones.

We don't need more reminders of what sexting can cause emotionally to students. In Florida we had the sad story of cyber tragedy that ended in the suicide of 13 year-old Hope Witsell.

Here are some tips and what parents need to know and use now and in 2010. (Source: Saratoga County District Attorney James Murphy):

Set time of day limits on cell phone usage: While many parents have a hard time regulating the number of texts per month and have surrendered to "unlimited texting", you can control the hours that your teen texts. We suggest determining a time when cell phones come of the pocket or out of the bedroom and are placed in a central location on a charger along with your cell phone. Kids who are permitted to keep their cell phones in their room overnight on average get less sleep and are often times texting in the middle of the night. Make the right choice in allowing your teen to obtain uninterrupted sleep by limiting the hours that they have phone access and set rules on when texting is appropriate.

Take laptops out of your child's bedroom: While computers and the Internet provide wonderful educational opportunities and help teens study, they also can provide 24 hour access to social networking sites, instant messaging and email at times when children are not supervised. By removing computers from the teen's bedroom and placing them in a central location, like a family room or kitchen, teens are less likely to have inappropriate contact through the computer and are more likely to notify a parent about an unusual or disturbing message.

Keep computers and laptops in a common area: Studies have shown that teenagers are less likely to engage in risky behavior if they are accessing the Internet in a common room or area where others are likely to be present. This is even true if no one is standing over their shoulder. Just the fact that you can glance at what is on the screen is enough to make kids think twice before going to inappropriate Internet sites or having conversations with individuals who they may not know. Keeping the computer in a common area can only help your child make safe decisions.

Know your child's username and password: While some parents and most all kids groan at the idea of allowing you access to their social networking page, email account or instant messaging, it really is important. The fact that you have access to the information, despite the fact that you may never actually look, protects kids from making bad choices. What's more, in the unlikely event that something should happen to your child, rather than wasting valuable time while law enforcement obtains subpoenas or search warrants, you can quickly access your child's personal Internet conversations and contacts in a matter of seconds. In nearly all cases, once law enforcement is given the access to the on line material, a missing child has been returned or someone who is targeting your child has been apprehended. It's a small piece of information that can have remarkable results if necessary.

Talk to your child about cyberbullying: Today's bullies are no longer the stereotypical "tough kid" in school, but can often times be a physical small child or a straight "A" student. Cyberbullying can happen around the clock due to Internet and cell phone access, which makes your home no longer "safe" from the bully. With 24-hour access to technology, bullying can continue no matter where the victim goes. Talk to your child about bullying and being bullied. If you feel your child is the target of cyberbullying notify law enforcement immediately.

Be sure to read the Five-Part series of Parenting in 2010 and how you can become better in tune with your kids technically ending with T.A.L.K.

Reminder: 2009 Parenting Tips Wrap-up - Continue to keep those lines of communication open.