It Starts At The Top: What Message Parents Are Sending To Their Kids

Do as I say - not as I do.

Yes, many parents are very good at this - however we are in a generation where this needs to stop.  Actions speak louder than words.

Are we sending our kids mixed messages?

What are you posting online that you would frown upon if your child decided to post?

We are trained and taught to monitor our children - but what many parent's forget is that our children are snooping on us!  Your keystrokes and photos matter!

The following video is provided by #TalkEarly:

#TalkEarly was created with a simple goal in mind: Empower parents to be confident about their own decisions regarding alcohol, model healthy, balanced behaviors and create a foundation for starting conversations with their kids from an early age. Follow them on Twitter and join them on Facebook.

Twitter: Bad Habits Your Kids May Be Learning From this Social Bird

Social networking and etiquette.

Years ago raising our children never included teaching them social media manners. Today, however, your social networking etiquette could determine whether you get into your college of choice and land the job you have been dreaming of.

Social media forums have some real up sides, we can’t deny that. When it comes to staying in touch with far-flung friends and family and being up to speed with all the latest and greatest in news and gossip, it’s been a real blessing to have social networking sites like Twitter.

We just wish that some kids/teens didn’t suffer from some side-effects of overuse.

Here are 7 bad habits that kids pick up from Twitter:

1. Poor Grammar – We’ve seen this from chat room usage, text messaging, and IM’s; so it’s nothing that’s really new. The 140-character limit and Twitter’s wildly popular platform just seem to exacerbate the problem to a far greater degree.
2. Time Management – Let’s be frank, this isn’t just a problem for kids, but it poses a greater threat to them, since they haven’t yet learned to balance their time between work and leisure to the extent they will need to as adults.
3. Following Celebrities – On the surface, and with proper balance, there’s nothing inherently wrong with corresponding with celebrities. In fact it’s one of the great things about Twitter. The danger is in placing more emphasis on the posts of the famous, re-tweeting every little blurb as though it were sage wisdom, all just because of the person’s celebrity status.
4. Public Venting – It’s good to have outlets for our anger and frustration, so long as they are safe and private. The trend these days apparently is to go to your profile and launch into a thoughtless tirade when the mood swings. Not a wise or healthy habit and one that can end up backfiring on you.
5. Loss of Originality – This isn’t a widespread thing, but it’s something we are seeing more and more often. Re-tweets are another form of showing approval, like a thumbs-up or a like. Used in that way, they’re vaguely useful and certainly harmless enough. The difference is that re-tweets at times almost seem like recitations, with RT’ers supplanting original thought in favor of aping whatever post happens to be popular at the time.
6. Auto-Following – In this context, it’s more or less seen as a polite reciprocation of a friendly gesture. It can be done automatically with an app, or manually on a tit-for-tat basis. The thing is, following someone should be based on individual merit, as determined by the follower, on a case-by-case basis. Kids need to establish these parameters and values in their lives now, and not toss them aside in a social networking environment.
7. Blurring the Lines – This is a virtually universal issue, in that it affects people of various ages, backgrounds and occupations. There seems to be little if any distinction for so many of us, between our personal and professional lives, as we embrace these social media sites.

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Stranger Danger Online: 10 Ways Predators Find Kids Online

With many parents online shopping it also means more adults with not the same motives will be online also.  Do your kids practice online safety measures?

Children today are growing up with the Internet as a regular part of life, yet the World-Wide-Web was fairly new when their parents were young. Along with all the fun and informative things available to children online, a serious danger also lurks. Internet predators like to use the anonymity of the Internet, and are constantly on the lookout for innocent victims.

It’s important for parents to be aware of the ways sexual predators troll for kids online.

Here are 10 things to watch out for to keep your kids safe on the Internet.

1. Online games – One place Internet predators connect with kids is online games. They will choose games that are popular with the age group they prefer and pose as other kids to foster a friendship with children. Predators will watch for gamer names that indicate the gender, location or other information that is useful to them.
2. Chat rooms – Sexual predators will pose as kids in chat rooms that are popular with children. This is an easy way for them to garner information and target unsuspecting youngsters. Once they gain a child’s trust, they may try setting up a meeting in person.
3. Facebook – Parents need to be very careful about whether or not they allow their children to have their own personal Facebook accounts. This is prime hunting grounds for Internet stalkers who target kids. It’s very easy for them to set up fake Facebook pages and “friend” teens and preteens.
4. Twitter – Social media is a great way for pedophiles to connect with their victims, and Twitter is no exception. Many young people use tweeting as their primary form of communication, and predators know this and go where the kids are.
5. Websites for kids – Parents may think websites like Disney and PBS Kids are safe for their children to frequent, but predators like to frequent them too. What better place is there to find lonely kids who want to chat?
6. Instant messaging – Since emails will linger in an account until they’re deleted, Internet predators prefer to use instant messaging that disappears once the window is closed. This makes it harder for parents to monitor who’s talking to their kids and what they’re saying.
7. MySpace – Some consider MySpace one of the worst sites for online predators who want to connect with children. The online surveys are fun to fill out, but they also provide lots of information that can be used to gain trust with unsuspecting youngsters.
8. Pictures – Parents need to educate their children on how pictures posted online can be used by sexual predators. It helps them to identify kids who fit their personal preferences, and any picture posted online can be used and manipulated by anyone. Child pornographers are constantly monitoring the Internet for potentially suggestive photos of children.
9. Target the vulnerable – Internet predators are constantly on the lookout for vulnerable children that they can exploit. Kids that are lonely, unhappy, who are having difficulty with school, or who have poor relationships with their parents are easy targets. They also like kids who are willing to keep secrets from their parents or other authorities.
10. Use coded language – The shortcut language that kids use for texting makes it harder for parents to readily understand what they’re saying. Just glancing over their child’s shoulder, a text message can look like gobbledygook, so parents need to learn this coded language to help keep their kids safe. You better believe the Internet predators know exactly what texting shortcuts mean and how to use it to gain a child’s trust.

Being aware of the inherit risks that the Internet poses to innocent children is the first step parents who want to keep their children safe need to take. Parents need to educate themselves and their children about the dangers of Internet predators as they teach them how to use the Web.

Establish rules and guidelines for computer and cell phone use, and keep the computer in a common area easily observable by parents and siblings. Use online tools for privacy settings and set up parental alerts. Parental involvement is the key to protecting your children from online sexual predators.

Source: Nanny News Network

Sue Scheff: SEXTING - What Parents Need to Know

Parenting resolutions are ones that you can't afford to ignore or neglect after a few weeks. One of 2009's hot and trendy topics is "sexting." What is sexting? It is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between cell phones.

We don't need more reminders of what sexting can cause emotionally to students. In Florida we had the sad story of cyber tragedy that ended in the suicide of 13 year-old Hope Witsell.

Here are some tips and what parents need to know and use now and in 2010. (Source: Saratoga County District Attorney James Murphy):

Set time of day limits on cell phone usage: While many parents have a hard time regulating the number of texts per month and have surrendered to "unlimited texting", you can control the hours that your teen texts. We suggest determining a time when cell phones come of the pocket or out of the bedroom and are placed in a central location on a charger along with your cell phone. Kids who are permitted to keep their cell phones in their room overnight on average get less sleep and are often times texting in the middle of the night. Make the right choice in allowing your teen to obtain uninterrupted sleep by limiting the hours that they have phone access and set rules on when texting is appropriate.

Take laptops out of your child's bedroom: While computers and the Internet provide wonderful educational opportunities and help teens study, they also can provide 24 hour access to social networking sites, instant messaging and email at times when children are not supervised. By removing computers from the teen's bedroom and placing them in a central location, like a family room or kitchen, teens are less likely to have inappropriate contact through the computer and are more likely to notify a parent about an unusual or disturbing message.

Keep computers and laptops in a common area: Studies have shown that teenagers are less likely to engage in risky behavior if they are accessing the Internet in a common room or area where others are likely to be present. This is even true if no one is standing over their shoulder. Just the fact that you can glance at what is on the screen is enough to make kids think twice before going to inappropriate Internet sites or having conversations with individuals who they may not know. Keeping the computer in a common area can only help your child make safe decisions.

Know your child's username and password: While some parents and most all kids groan at the idea of allowing you access to their social networking page, email account or instant messaging, it really is important. The fact that you have access to the information, despite the fact that you may never actually look, protects kids from making bad choices. What's more, in the unlikely event that something should happen to your child, rather than wasting valuable time while law enforcement obtains subpoenas or search warrants, you can quickly access your child's personal Internet conversations and contacts in a matter of seconds. In nearly all cases, once law enforcement is given the access to the on line material, a missing child has been returned or someone who is targeting your child has been apprehended. It's a small piece of information that can have remarkable results if necessary.

Talk to your child about cyberbullying: Today's bullies are no longer the stereotypical "tough kid" in school, but can often times be a physical small child or a straight "A" student. Cyberbullying can happen around the clock due to Internet and cell phone access, which makes your home no longer "safe" from the bully. With 24-hour access to technology, bullying can continue no matter where the victim goes. Talk to your child about bullying and being bullied. If you feel your child is the target of cyberbullying notify law enforcement immediately.

Be sure to read the Five-Part series of Parenting in 2010 and how you can become better in tune with your kids technically ending with T.A.L.K.

Reminder: 2009 Parenting Tips Wrap-up - Continue to keep those lines of communication open.

Sue Scheff: Is Your Teen Addicted to the Internet?

Warning Signs your Teen May Be Addicted
Psychological and Physical Signs and Symptoms

If you are worried that your teen may be suffering from an unhealthy addiction to the Internet, there are many physical and mental warning signs to watch for. Many of these symptoms are very similar to those of depression and anxiety, another very serious condition affecting teens today. If you feel your teen is suffering from depression, please visit Sue Scheff™'s web resource on teen depression and anxiety.

•Feelings of intense happiness and euphoria while using the Internet, and feelings of depression, anxiety or irritability if away from the computer
•Cravings for the Internet - Never having enough time with it
•Neglecting family and friends - spending more time with the computer and less time doing activities previously enjoyed.
•Getting behind on homework or school activities
•Lying about what they are doing while online
•Complains of dry eyes
•Complains of Headaches
•Complains of Backaches
•Changes in eating habits such as skipping meals or over eating
•Neglect of personal hygiene
•Problems with sleep
What Should Parents Do?
•Examine your Internet habits. Do you spend too much time in front of the screen? The habits of you and your family impact your teen. Be a good role model!
•Look for the above warning signs, and take action if you feel your teen may be at risk. Seek professional help.
•Always keep the computer in a common area of the home where it can be monitored by you.
•DO NOT BAN THE INTERNET. Instead, work with your teen on a time schedule that feels fair to the both of you.
•Encourage social activity outside of the Internet. Because chatting, emails, and other online social media make it easy for teens to stay at home, open the door to more outside activity. Plan events with friends and family.

Learn more.

Sue Scheff: Steps parents can take to protect their teenagers online reputation

Source: Examiner

By Heather Marlman

As more and more teenagers are taking part in social network sites such as Facebook and MySpace, it’s becoming more and more important for parents to take an active role in helping to protect their teens online reputation.

There are steps that all parents can take to make sure their teenager is playing things smart when they go online both in the text and photos that they post on these social profiles. By taking an active role parents can be certain that the online reputation of their teenager isn’t tarnished.

Talk to your teen

This is a good time to have a conversation with your teenager about their online “image”. Most teenagers are fairly self conscious about their reputation among their peers, however many of them fail to recognize that what may bee seen as cool or funny to their friends is viewed as suggestive or irresponsible to other adults. Remind them that a growing number of college admissions staff and employers are looking at the online profiles of their applicants and using the information they find to base their decisions.

Google your teen

Typing in your teenagers name can sometimes reveal some startling results. Make a point to do a Google search on your teen to find out what information you can find. While your teenager may see this as a form of “spying”, remind them that you are only using the same resources that the entire world has available. If you can find it then so can anyone else.

Join their networks

Not every parent is well versed in the world of social networking but having a teenager often means that it’s time to take a crash course. Create your own profiles on networks such as Facebook and MySpace and add your teenager as one of your contacts. If your teenager uses Twitter, create an account and follow them.

Creating online profiles gives you the ability to let you see what they are posting for the rest of their friends to see. Again, this is not a way of spying on your teenager. It’s a way of creating an open door policy between parent and child.

Encourage adult friends and family members to also add your teen as one of their contacts as a way of further policing the information that they post online.

While these may seem like extreme measures, often teenagers say and do things because they are unaware of the potential consequences. If you find material on any of these social networking sites that you consider inappropriate, make it a point to discuss it with your teenager without being too harsh. Often teens do things that adults may see as inappropriate when they were merely intending to be funny. Discussing the difference in the way things appear to adults is a good way to help shift your teen from the world of being a child to the world of being grown up.

More resources for both parents and teenagers in ways to protect your online reputation will be made available through Project Pro and distributed to high school counselors.

You might also find these articles useful:
What is your teeangers online reputation?
Is your teenager 'sexting'?

Sue Scheff: Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace...What?

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace…What?

Tips for Parents - Talking to Your Teens About Social Networking

NEW YORK, June 1 /PRNewswire/ — MS — It’s no secret young people growing up today are more technologically advanced than older generations like the Baby Boomers. In those days, communicating with friends was done primarily by talking on the telephone, writing a note or speaking face-to-face. There was no e-mailing, text messaging, IM’ing (instant messaging) or posting comments on each other’s personal Web pages.

(Photo: http://www.newscom.com/cgi-bin/prnh/20090601/NY24516 )

In schools today, instead of just passing notes, students can send text messages on their cell phones and communicate online with their bff (best friends forever) or with people they don’t know, and this makes it difficult for parents to monitor their child’s online activities. In addition to e-mailing and text messaging, communicating via social networking sites is becoming more common for both older and younger generations. In fact, in January 2009 Facebook alone reported that they had 150 million active users. In addition, according to Common Sense Media, 55 percent of teens have an online profile on social networking sites like Facebook or MySpace.

"Social networking sites can be great resources for staying in contact with people, reconnecting with old friends, meeting people with common interests, and getting questions answered, but unfortunately not everyone who uses the Internet and social networking sites has honest intentions,” said Jay Opperman, Senior Director of Security and Privacy at Comcast.

What does this all mean? It means that parents should: 1) become familiar with online social networks like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and MySpace; and 2) talk to your children about the importance of being safe and smart while communicating online.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind when talking to your teens about the Internet and social networks:

TIP 1 — Choose your pictures wisely: Pictures can say a thousand words. If you decide to post a picture of yourself online, be very cautious about what you post.

“Do not use a picture that will embarrass you five years down the road because even if you delete the picture, it will never go away. What goes online, stays online,” said Opperman. “Think about these questions: If I post this picture, could it prevent me from getting a scholarship or a job in the future? What if the person or persons I share my picture with, shares it with others?”

TIP 2 — Don’t talk to strangers and use privacy settings: Sometimes people aren’t always who they say they are and the Internet provides an additional means of being anonymous. Remember, everyone in the world doesn’t have your best interests at heart and some people are looking to prey on children and teens online. Social networking sites have privacy settings so you can control who can see your personal page. The settings can’t protect you 100 percent, but they are helpful so make sure you set up a privacy setting so only your friends can see your page.

TIP 3 — Keep your personal information personal: Don’t share personal information such as your last name, parents’ or siblings’ names, phone number, address, social security number or where you like to hang out. People with dishonest intentions can use this information to find you or steal your identity.

TIP 4 — Don’t be a cyberbully: Don’t bully people online or in person. You wouldn’t appreciate a schoolmate or even a stranger posting embarrassing or harassing information about you or threatening you online so don’t do that to someone else. Online, this is called cyberbullying, and now more and more states are passing anti-cyberbullying laws.

TIP 5 — Go outside and stay active: Technology is fascinating and it keeps us connected in so many ways, but don’t let the Internet disconnect you from other things that are important in life. Spend time with family and friends in person. Walk the dog, learn how to play an instrument, get involved in sports and other extracurricular after-school activities. Real life connections with family, friends and those most important to you should be one of your top priorities.

For more Internet safety tips and resources visit www.comcast.net/security .

SOURCE Comcast Security

Sue Scheff: Safer Children in a Digital World: the report of the Byron Review

Visit: http://www.dcsf.gov.uk/byronreview/index.shtml

On 24 June 2008 a cross-Government Action Plan was published which sets out how the recommendations of the Byron Review will be implemented.

In her groundbreaking report Safer Children in a Digital World, published in March 2008, Dr Tanya Byron set out a number of recommendations to improve children's safety when they use the internet or play video games.

This Action Plan sets out how Government, its partners, industry and the third sector will work together to create a safer online world.

Sue Scheff: Mom Logic on Sexting

Parenting today offers more challenges than ever - Momlogic.com addresses many of the latest concerns that parents are facing today.

The latest issue is “sexting” - and the tragic story of Jessie Logan. This young teen, 18 years old, commited suicide after private photo’s were forwarded through cell phones and she became a victim of sexting.

Read more about this critical topic on Momlogic.com

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/03/could_we_go_to_jail_for_kids_f.php

Sue Scheff: Teens, Parents and Facebook

Today more and more teens are joining Facebook as well as the other Social Network - however Facebook seems to be growing. Why? I honestly don’t know, but I do know parents are enjoying Facebook as much as many kids are. Recently I stumbled over an article on Tangerine Times written by a parent helping us navigate our way through the Social Cyberspace. This topic is critical - as keeping your child’s privacy is important for many reasons. Help your kids stay safe with Social Networking - read this valuable article.

Source: Tangerine Times

How to Help Your Teen Use Privacy Settings on Facebook

Many parents tell me they are frustrated with their teens’ use of Facebook. Here are some of the comments I hear frequently from parents:

“They know more than I do about how to use it and set it up, so how can I control it?”

“My kids are using it when I am not around, so how can I possibly know what they are doing, who they are talking to and if they are being safe with their information?”

“I feel this has gotten out of control, and I don’t really know what to do to get it back under control”

“I am afraid there are predators.”

“I give up. I just hope they aren’t doing anything stupid because I haven’t a clue what they are doing online.”

What I see are parents who over control (they deny their kids use of Facebook entirely) or parents who are completely “hands off”. And some of these are parents who normally wouldn’t dream of sending their child into an unknown situation without a little research. Crazy huh? I’ve decided to begin a campaign to de-mystify Facebook for those parents who feel they are not comfortable enough to set boundaries for their teens. It’s not rocket science but I completely understand their frustration in trying to understand it all.

Here are some tips about privacy settings on Facebook. It is never too late to ask your teenager about their privacy settings, even if they have had their account for years.

Click here for the entire article.

Sue Scheff: Prevent CyberBullying - CyberBully Awareness

Source: OnTeensToday

Partners for CyberBully Awareness Campaign:

Thank you to everyone who is already offered to join and spread the word about our anti-cyberbullying campaign here at On Teens Today:

Angeline of MomStyleNews
Vivien Bruss of Cool Moms Rule
Brenda Preston of Safewave
Sue Scheff of Help Your Teens

Myrna of TangerineTimes.comTara Paterson of the Mom's Choice Awards and Just for Mom
Karen Pease

Sue Scheff: Reputation Defender Official Blog is Launched

Learn more about ReputationDefender on their recently launched Official Blog.

Many people have heard me talk about their services and how they help you maintain your online image. ReputationDefender does much more! Read about the teacher who got fired for photo's posted on MySpace.