Sue Scheff: Teen Dating - Techno Dating Hints

One of my favorite parenting websites, Tangerine Times, just posted a great article on teen relationships (via technology) - ahhh, those summer romances now in the techno age! Who would have ever thought???

Source: Tangerine Times

Techno-Dating Hints

In this new age of dating with the full integration of technology; I’ve been thinking about how girls (and boys) can and should handle break-ups. Teens so fully integrate their social life with their technology it begs the question what to do when things break off or turn ugly?

What’s the digital protocol for keeping your ex “around” when you break up? He may be out of your teen’s life, but still in their cell phone with a special ringtone, a sweet picture that comes up when he calls — or on their Facebook page, even if he’s not making comments. Does your teen delete from him from their phone, and de-friend him completely? Even though they may not attend the same school, their presence in their digital lives can still linger and needs to be changed (for the most part) if they are to move on in a healthy way.
NOT an Expert on This…That’s for sure.

OK, obviously I’m not an expert and have no experience dating in this “techno-era” - BUT I do have some ideas you may want to pass along to your teen if you are struggling along with them with a ‘Break-up in the High Tech Era”…..

Post-Breakup

Right when your teen is fresh from breaking up - the ” post breakup” - the best thing to do is for them to gradually edge him/her out. That means they keep him/her in their cell phone IF they want, but should take off any special ringtone or the picture that came up when he/she called. This draws the attention away from the relationship when your teen is hanging out with their friends.

Facebook

As for Facebook, if the breakup was somewhat amicable, there’s no need to de-friend but they should avoid being reminded of him every time someone comments on a photo of him or writes on his Wall They can do this by changing their settings on Facebook to hide his/her updates. They can can stay FB friends but don’t have to know his Top 5 Favorite Songs or who is in a “new” relationship with. I’ve always advised my kids NOT to use the relationship status on FBook as I think it just makes for trouble and doesn’t give you a lot of flexibility to change relationships quietly.

Messy Breakup?

Messy, painful breakup? They should feel free to de-friend him/her, especially since Facebook doesn’t blare that info (unless they have a “relationship status”) and there’s no reason you need to keep up on his digital life, and vice versa.

And, finally if they have been hanging on to the digital vestiges of an ex, maybe they should cut them out of their phone and Facebook once and for all. It is the easiest way to lower visibility and “move on” in this day and age of techno-dating. Teens pay attention to cell phone ringtones, pictures on Fbook and friend status on Facebook. These are all markers they look for to figure out who is “with who”.

It’s all part of the “scene” now…no going back to the old days.

Sue Scheff: Teenage Drivers

I try to post frequently about teens and when they learn to drive. It can be one of the scarest times to be a parents. Recently, one of my favorite websites, Tangerine Times, posted an article on Teenage Drivers. Read on:

Source: Tangerine Times

With the recent acquisition of the “beginner’s permit”, our 15 year old is now driving. I’m trying to provide plenty of driving time behind the wheel because familiarity with the vehicle is my first goal. So many driving incidents require the immediate reaction of the driver. As a driver, you need to respond automatically, without thinking. I’ve been driving so many years (we won’t get into THAT number) I could close my eyes and turn the wheel in the correct direction if I was given verbal commands.

Yesterday, in fact, I had a near miss with a Smart car driven by a teenager. He whipped in front of me (there were 2 lanes - I was in the left) from a side street then slammed on the brakes and turned on his left turn signal - just 100 yards from where he entered the street. I didn’t even think, I reacted and thankfully the drivers around me were watching, saw what was happening, and moved out of the way so I could swerve into the other lane slightly. I slammed on my brakes but would have rear-ended him handily if not for everyones’ co-operation. I was inches from making that Smart car into Oreo cookie - ( I drive a van).

So lately, I’ve been a little more attentive to articles about new drivers. And when I read a recent article from AAA that said, “teen drivers kill others more than they kill themselves.” I thought, ok…can we take out the word KILL??? According to the article, AAA analyzed the crash data collected over the last decade by it’s Foundation for Traffic Safety and found that while deadly crashes are down overall, teenage drivers are still at least twice as lethal to other people as they are to themselves.

The analysis shows that about one-third of people killed in crashes involving drivers ages 15 to 17 are teen drivers themselves. Nearly two-thirds are passengers, occupants of other vehicles, pedestrians, cyclists and other road users. “For every teen driver killed in a crash, almost twice as many other people die, which underscores the link between teen drier safety and the safety of everyone on the road,” said AAA President and CEO Robert L. Darbeinet.

Nationally, between 1998 and 2007, crashes involving 15, 16 and 17-year old drivers killed 28,138 people of whom (36%) were teen drivers themselves. The remaining 17,750 (63%) deaths included 8,829 passengers of the drivers. AAA believes the slight drop is significant and points to it as evidence that improved teen licensing systems, especially the graduated driver licensing program, has made an impact.

Graduated Drivers License Programs Seem to Work

States with comprehensive Graduated Drivers License systems, overall, have been shown to reduce deaths among 16-year-old drivers by 38%.
Choice of Vehicle

Because most young people don’t usually have much money, they often drive older cars that don’t have the latest safety equipment — airbags, ABS, traction control and the like.

Second, because their vehicles are older, they may have more service issues that compromise their safety, such as worn brakes, tired shocks, bald tires, and so on.

Lastly, to save money, young people often choose economy boxes and small pickups, which have smaller crumple zones and fewer safety features.

Too many passengers

This last point is frequently overlooked, but has drawn attention recently. In a new study conducted by Johns Hopkins University School of Hygiene and Public Health, researchers discovered that the risk of deadly accidents among young drivers rose sharply with each additional passenger. The study, which looked at the driving habits of 16- and 17-year-old drivers, revealed a strong correlation between the number of passengers in a car and the risk of a fatal wreck.

For example, a 16 year old with three or more passengers faces nearly three times the risk of a fatal wreck as one driving alone. The study also found that young drivers are much more likely to engage in dangerous activates — drinking or using drugs, speeding, swerving, running red lights — when they are carrying their friends as passengers in the car. In California, we have a law that prevents other teenagers from riding in the cars with first time drivers (for the first year of their license).

Now…if we can only figure out a way to sit in the passenger seat while your teenage child is driving and NOT tense up. That would be a good trick. I can’t say I enjoy the experience as much as I thought I would.

Sue Scheff: Teens and Allowances

Source: Tangerine Times

I AM NOT YOUR PIGGY BANK

During the week-end wrestling tournament I sat with two other parents for the better part of 12 hours. It was an endurance test. I’m glad I went but it was a long time. You really get to know others when you spend that many hours talking.

The talk turned to money. Specifically, how much allowance to pay a teen. One said they give their 17 year old son $150/month to be used for dates, extras and such. Frankly, given the financial position of this family, I was pleasantly surprised at their restraint. Additionally, their son is completely re-building a ‘66 Mustang for his car. Until it runs, he doesn’t have a car. Good way to learn something don’t you think?? I thought that was a great idea, if you had the right set-up at home and the access to people to help answer questions.No Need to Pay for Dates

The other parent said they paid their 17 year old girl about $100/month for extras. I’m thinking that worked out to more extra money than the boy because usually the girl isn’t paying for a date. And, I know she doesn’t use the money for clothes or transportation. On the other hand, I know other teens who get much more.

Another girl at my daughter’s school has a huge allowance (maybe $500/month) but she has to pay her cell phone bill, all her clothes, gas and…really all of her expenses other than housing, insurance and food. This is another approach that seems valid. And, she seems to be learning something too.

There’s a yogurt hang-out nearby our school. The girls like to go after school but it can get “pricey”. One scoop can be up to $6. if you’re not careful. One day, my daughter mentioned that she learned a few “tricks” about how to get the most yogurt for her money (from the girl who has the huge allowance). So, I guess it’s working.

After all, the goal of an allowance is to teach your kids how to budget, save and spend money wisely. If the current economic situation is any indication, we’re not doing a very good job as adults. Not many parents (of teens) are open enough to discuss this issue. The subject of money is always touchy. But, I’m glad these parents were willing to share. It’s very helpful, don’t you think?

Visit www.tangerinetimes.com for more great parenting Blogs and Articles!

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens and Tweens

A few months ago I was introduced to this fantastic website, The Tangerine Times, for parents of teens and tweens. I recently visited there again, and was again, amazed at the up-to-date articles including deciding on your teen’s allowance, the high costs of having your teen involved in sports, and so much more. I noticed today a educational article on the inside scoop of anonymous tip lines for cyberbullying. Read more and remember, visit this website - it is not only informational, it is bright and cheery!

Source: Tangerine Times

By Myrna Lantzsch

I’ve been working with a local group to educate and develop policy around the issue of cyber-bullying. If you’ve been a reader you’ll know that a friend of mine’s child was a victim of cyber-bullying recently. I discovered some products (this is but one) that I am going to recommend the schools take into consideration. It is computer program that provides an anonymous communication link between the students and the administration. I think we all know that kids are the best resource for knowing what’s going on inside our schools.

Here is a description of the program from their website (Disclaimer: I have not received any product information or free product from this company - I found it via research):

” Experts say in four out of five school shootings, the attackers boasted about their plans to other students beforehand. So how can school officials and law enforcement bridge the communication chasm between students and faculty? Is investing in security cameras and infrastructure improvements the right approach? AnComm believes that if we are to reduce the likelihood of violence in schools, we must put communication at the core of our school safety plan.

Administrators need to give students a way to reach out to counselors and faculty without fear of retribution or embarrassment to seek help or notify those who can help that there are problems inside your school that require attention. ‘Talk About It®’ provides an affordable, easy-to-implement option to immediately breaking the code of silence and getting students to ‘Talk About It®.’

Continue reading this post…

Sue Scheff: Tangerine Times - Parenting Teens Today

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