Teen Stress: Learning anger and stress management

Holidays: Merry & Bright
by Lori Lite, Founder of Stress Free Kids

Holidays were originally designed to be relaxing, merry and bright, but the reality is that most of us associate holidays with stress. The economy is adding extra restrictions on gift giving and children still have high magical expectations. With a little bit of effort we can turn stress off and turn on deeper connections with our children and teens, good health, and relaxation. We can use this holiday season to shift our focus and bring the merry and bright back into the holidays.

Tips:

• Slow down. I don’t know anyone that can rush and feel stress free at the same time. Children are especially prone to meltdowns when asked to rush. Leave extra time for the purpose of moving slowly and focusing on your breathing. Enjoy the moment.
• Give your family a better understanding of the economic climate and why their holiday gifting expectations may need to be adjusted. Rent Kit Kittredge: An American Girl for a family movie night. Everyone will be reminded to appreciate family.
• Bring creativity and music into your home. Place musical instruments like jingle bells, maracas, and tambourines on the coffee table. A box of fun hats and reindeer antlers in the living room and let the creativity and stress management begin. Join in the fun and lead a parade around your apartment or house. Laugh and you will enjoy less stress and more joy. Children want your time more than presents. (I have had teens enjoy both hats and instruments and they always film it. Just pretend you are not watching and their imaginations take flight.)
• Be aware of your language. It is easy to become negative during the holidays. Use positive statements and affirmations like, “I am happy, I am calm, I am thankful, I am healthy.” Encourage children and teens to write their own affirmation and stick it on their pillow or mirror.
• Cold weather brings lots of opportunities to get outside. Take the kids on a walk to look for elf tracks in the snow. Leave a container of water outside to invite Jack Frost to visit. Use the cold air as an aid to teach children how to use relaxation or diaphragmatic breathing. (Foster sibling bonds by letting your teen take the lead looking for elf tracks. You will be surprised at how much fun they will have when mom is not around.)

Breathing is one of the most effective stress management available to all ages. The following excerpt from my story Sea Otter Cove can be used with your family. Sit outside and pretend you are sea otters…watch your breath hit the cold air and get ready to feel good!

The following excerpt is from Sea Otter Cove: A Relaxation Story. This story is also available on the Indigo Ocean Dreams CD and in Spanish. To see your breath hit the cold air, breathe out through your mouth and say ahhhh….

The sea child told the sea otter to breathe in through his nose and out through his nose.  He focused all of his attention on the tip of his nose.

They both did this breathing together.
Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose.
In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… out 2, 3, 4.

The sea child told the sea otter that he could breathe this way whenever he felt angry or scared or nervous. He could focus on the air moving in and out of the tip of his nose, and he could feel calm. The sea otter placed his hands on his belly, and felt it lift up and down as the air moved in and out. For a few moments they both did this breathing together.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
In 2, 3, 4… ahhhh 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… ahhh 2, 3, 4.
The sea child’s mind began to wander. She imagined that her thoughts were a feather as she blew them away with her next breath out.  She focused her attention on her breath again as she drew in a breath of warm fragrant sea air.
She liked the way it felt to quiet her mind.
She focused on the way the air felt moving in and out of her nose. She felt her belly lift up and down as the sea child and the sea otter continued to breathe together.

Order today!

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

In 2, 3, 4…ahhh  2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4… ahhh 2, 3, 4.
In 2,3, 4…out 2,3,4.


Teens can learn deep breathing with Indigo Teen Dreams CD.

Stress Free Kids founder Lori Lite has created a line of books and CDs designed to help children, teens, and adults decrease stress, anxiety, and anger. Ms. Lite’s books, CDs, and lesson plans are considered a resource for parents, psychologists, therapists, child life specialists, teachers, and yoga instructors. Lori is a certified children’s meditation facilitator and Sears’ Manage My Life parenting expert. For more information visit  Stress Free Kids and for daily advice follow Lori on Twitter and Facebook.

Sue Scheff: No Quick Fix for Anxiety Suffers

By Kara Tamanini - Author and Therapist

No Quick Fix for Anxiety Sufferers

This is something we hear as therapists all the time, “can you fix me really quick.” Or, “do you have a magic wand to just fix me.” Whether the sufferer of anxiety is a child, an adolescent, or an adult, there is NO “quick fix” for anxiety. The problem that we as therapists often run into, is that patients want to be “fixed”, however they are not patient in the amount of time it takes to start to improve and the other “biggie” is that patients do very little of the prescribed treatment in order to get better.

For parents that have children that suffer with anxiety, a large part of anxiety is fear based as well as personal concerns that the child has. There is really no one “right treatment” that works for every child and as a parent or caregiver you need to be patient with your child. Most parents if they have a child that suffers with anxiety symptoms are often very fearful themselves as well as reacting to their child’s anxiety with anger, fear, frustration, etc…

The best way to help your child to get through their anxiety for the long-term is to first let them work through some of their anxiety themselves. Do not “fix” everything for them. A child first has to recognize their anxiety and try to problem-solve for themselves. If they are unable to do this, then be patient and help them through their anxiety.

A thoughtful; well thought out approach with the assistance of a therapist is a really good place to start. Help your child work through their fears and anxieties, but do not take over out of your own fear and do things for them. There are a few treatments out there that are a “quick fix” such as an anti-anxiety medication, however medications “mask” the symptoms of anxiety and do help, but they will not “fix” the problem.

Learn more about Kids Awareness Series at http://www.kidsawarenessseries.com/ and Follow Kara Tamanini on Twitter at @KidTherapist

Sue Scheff: Is your family moving this summer? Moving Stress and Teens

During summer months some families are moving, which can mean changing schools, friends and your familiar neighborhood. If you are in this situation, take the time to read these parenting tips and advice to help create a smoother transition for your child.

Source: Connect with Kids

Moving Stress

“I was sad because I was gonna leave my friends.”

– Amber Griffin, 7

Just a few months ago when their mom said they were moving, Amber, 7, and D’Marcus, 9, had mixed emotions.

“She talked to me first, and I was excited. But I was a little bit sad because, I was sad because I was gonna leave my friends,” says Amber.

“I was afraid of how we were gonna know who our teachers would be, yeah, and how are we gonna know if we have the right things they use in school?” says D’Marcus.

Roughly 16 million American families move each year. And the adjustment can be hard on kids. One of the keys to making it easier is time. Psychologist Gary Santavicca says, “In general, the more preparation you have, the easier a transition is.”

So, he says, start talking about the move as early as possible. And include the kids. Have them get online to learn about the new city’s zoo, their new school or the nearest park. “Different things to help them feel like they’re helping to make it happen, and it’s a family project,” he says.

The kids’ mom, Catherine Mitchell, says she tried to do just that. “I let them know that we were doing this as a family and that it’s not that mom is moving, but that we’re moving as a family,” she says. And she was upbeat about the new town, new school and making new friends. “The bottom line is we communicated throughout the entire transition. We kept a positive attitude. I kept a positive attitude for them.”

And it worked. The kids have made new friends, love their school and have advice for other kids. D’Marcus says: “I would say you shouldn’t be nervous. You should just go ahead and do it and try to meet new people.” And Amber adds, “You don’t have to be afraid, because it’s gonna be okay.”

Tips for Parents
Pressures that are too intense or last too long, or troubles that are shouldered alone, can cause people to feel stress overload. Here are some of the things from the Nemours Foundation that can overwhelm the body's ability to cope if they continue for a long time:

■Being bullied or exposed to violence or injury
■Relationship stress, family conflicts, or the heavy emotions that can accompany a broken heart or the death of a loved one
■Ongoing problems with schoolwork related to a learning disability or other problems, such as ADHD (usually once the problem is recognized and the person is given the right learning support the stress disappears)
■Crammed schedules, not having enough time to rest and relax, and always being on the go
The most helpful method of dealing with stress is learning how to manage the stress that comes along with any new challenge, good or bad. Stress-management skills work best when they're used regularly, not just when the pressure's on. Knowing how to "de-stress" and doing it when things are relatively calm can help you get through challenging circumstances that may arise. Here are some tips that can help keep stress under control:

■Take a stand against overscheduling. If you're feeling stretched, consider cutting out an activity or two, opting for just the ones that are most important to you.
■Be realistic. Don't try to be perfect - no one is. And expecting others to be perfect can add to your stress level, too (not to mention put a lot of pressure on them!). If you need help on something, like schoolwork, ask for it.
■Get a good night's sleep. Getting enough sleep helps keep your body and mind in top shape, making you better equipped to deal with any negative stressors. Because the biological "sleep clock" shifts during adolescence, many teens prefer staying up a little later at night and sleeping a little later in the morning. But if you stay up late and still need to get up early for school, you may not get all the hours of sleep you need.
■Learn to relax. The body's natural antidote to stress is called the relaxation response. It's your body's opposite of stress, and it creates a sense of well-being and calm. The chemical benefits of the relaxation response can be activated simply by relaxing. You can help trigger the relaxation response by learning simple breathing exercises and then using them when you're caught up in stressful situations.
■Treat your body well. Experts agree that getting regular exercise helps people manage stress. (Excessive or compulsive exercise can contribute to stress, though, so as in all things, use moderation.) And eat well to help your body get the right fuel to function at its best. It's easy when you're stressed out to eat on the run or eat junk food or fast food. But under stressful conditions, the body needs its vitamins and minerals more than ever.
References
■Centers for Disease Control
■Nemours Foundation

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