Sue Scheff: Teen Dating - Techno Dating Hints

One of my favorite parenting websites, Tangerine Times, just posted a great article on teen relationships (via technology) - ahhh, those summer romances now in the techno age! Who would have ever thought???

Source: Tangerine Times

Techno-Dating Hints

In this new age of dating with the full integration of technology; I’ve been thinking about how girls (and boys) can and should handle break-ups. Teens so fully integrate their social life with their technology it begs the question what to do when things break off or turn ugly?

What’s the digital protocol for keeping your ex “around” when you break up? He may be out of your teen’s life, but still in their cell phone with a special ringtone, a sweet picture that comes up when he calls — or on their Facebook page, even if he’s not making comments. Does your teen delete from him from their phone, and de-friend him completely? Even though they may not attend the same school, their presence in their digital lives can still linger and needs to be changed (for the most part) if they are to move on in a healthy way.
NOT an Expert on This…That’s for sure.

OK, obviously I’m not an expert and have no experience dating in this “techno-era” - BUT I do have some ideas you may want to pass along to your teen if you are struggling along with them with a ‘Break-up in the High Tech Era”…..

Post-Breakup

Right when your teen is fresh from breaking up - the ” post breakup” - the best thing to do is for them to gradually edge him/her out. That means they keep him/her in their cell phone IF they want, but should take off any special ringtone or the picture that came up when he/she called. This draws the attention away from the relationship when your teen is hanging out with their friends.

Facebook

As for Facebook, if the breakup was somewhat amicable, there’s no need to de-friend but they should avoid being reminded of him every time someone comments on a photo of him or writes on his Wall They can do this by changing their settings on Facebook to hide his/her updates. They can can stay FB friends but don’t have to know his Top 5 Favorite Songs or who is in a “new” relationship with. I’ve always advised my kids NOT to use the relationship status on FBook as I think it just makes for trouble and doesn’t give you a lot of flexibility to change relationships quietly.

Messy Breakup?

Messy, painful breakup? They should feel free to de-friend him/her, especially since Facebook doesn’t blare that info (unless they have a “relationship status”) and there’s no reason you need to keep up on his digital life, and vice versa.

And, finally if they have been hanging on to the digital vestiges of an ex, maybe they should cut them out of their phone and Facebook once and for all. It is the easiest way to lower visibility and “move on” in this day and age of techno-dating. Teens pay attention to cell phone ringtones, pictures on Fbook and friend status on Facebook. These are all markers they look for to figure out who is “with who”.

It’s all part of the “scene” now…no going back to the old days.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens and Tweens

A few months ago I was introduced to this fantastic website, The Tangerine Times, for parents of teens and tweens. I recently visited there again, and was again, amazed at the up-to-date articles including deciding on your teen’s allowance, the high costs of having your teen involved in sports, and so much more. I noticed today a educational article on the inside scoop of anonymous tip lines for cyberbullying. Read more and remember, visit this website - it is not only informational, it is bright and cheery!

Source: Tangerine Times

By Myrna Lantzsch

I’ve been working with a local group to educate and develop policy around the issue of cyber-bullying. If you’ve been a reader you’ll know that a friend of mine’s child was a victim of cyber-bullying recently. I discovered some products (this is but one) that I am going to recommend the schools take into consideration. It is computer program that provides an anonymous communication link between the students and the administration. I think we all know that kids are the best resource for knowing what’s going on inside our schools.

Here is a description of the program from their website (Disclaimer: I have not received any product information or free product from this company - I found it via research):

” Experts say in four out of five school shootings, the attackers boasted about their plans to other students beforehand. So how can school officials and law enforcement bridge the communication chasm between students and faculty? Is investing in security cameras and infrastructure improvements the right approach? AnComm believes that if we are to reduce the likelihood of violence in schools, we must put communication at the core of our school safety plan.

Administrators need to give students a way to reach out to counselors and faculty without fear of retribution or embarrassment to seek help or notify those who can help that there are problems inside your school that require attention. ‘Talk About It®’ provides an affordable, easy-to-implement option to immediately breaking the code of silence and getting students to ‘Talk About It®.’

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